Don’t Have A Cow, Mom

(The whole day my mom, my sister, my newborn baby brother, and I have been walking around trying to find garage sales around the neighborhood. I’m pretty tired at this point. I’m supposed to wear glasses since I’m blind in one eye. My mom and I are walking alongside the street when something catches my eye.)

Me: “Mom! Mom!” *hits her on the shoulder and points* “Look!”

Mom: “What?” *looks to where I’m excitedly looking at* “What am I supposed to be looking at?”

Me: “…”

Mom: *looks at me in pure confusion*

Me: “It’s official I’m going crazy.” *puts hand on face and sighs deeply*

Mom: “What? What happened?” *looks at the dog again*

(In complete and utter seriousness I look her dead in the eye and say without missing a beat:)

Me: “When I looked at the dog… I thought, I truly honestly thought, that that dog was a baby cow…”

(I live near Chicago and although we do see horses here and then, seeing a cow is near impossible.)

Mom: *looks at me in utter shame*

Me: “In my defense it was a pretty large black and white dog with just the right amount of spots, all right?”