Gut-Busting Humor

(Five of us are eating dinner in the dining hall, having various conversations at once. Friend #1 is a biology major, and I overhear her conversation mid-sentence.)

Friend #1: “…and I’ll clean my intestines.”

Me: “Well, I hope your intestines are clean!”

Friend #1: “Don’t worry, they’re fine.”

Friend #2: “I hate cleaning my intestines.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s a whole-day ordeal.”

Friend #1: “And so messy!”

Me: “Especially the large one.”

Friend #2: “And I hate shopping for soap.”

Me: “You need to find an extra-gentle brand.”

Friend #1: “So hard to find one that doesn’t cause an allergic reaction.”

Friend #2: “And then they have a men’s section and a women’s section, and they’re the same soap but the women’s is pink so it’s five dollars more…”

Friend #1: “I just use the men’s soap. No one will know.”

Me: “If they can tell, then they’re too close!”

Friend #2: “Yeah, it’s kind of a private thing. Like you can be married and not let your husband see until you’ve been together for ten years.”

Me: “I’ve been married for thirty and he hasn’t seen me clean my intestines.”

Friend #2: “That’s understandable. It’s very personal.”

Me: “I can’t wait to have a child so I can teach her how to clean her intestines. We’ll use lamb intestines for practice.”

Friend #2: “Yeah, start them off early so they’re used to how intestines look.”

Friend #1: “And smell.”

Me: “…I’m going to go put this on NotAlwaysFriendly.”