The New Gold Standard

(Our group of friends is at a big house party. We are an eclectic bunch, a mix of of guys and girls, gays and straights. I walk up to some of the gay guys in the group mid-conversation.)

Friend #1: “So you’re a gold-card-gay!”

Friend #2: “I guess I am.”

Friend #3: “Me, too!”

Me: “A gold-card what?!”

Friend #1: “The gay guys here who’ve never had sex with a woman are called the gold-card gays. They’ve been loyal members their whole lives.”

Friend #2: “I’ve never had sex with a woman. I’ve never even been near a vagina.”

Me: “What about when you were born?”

Friend #2: “Oh, well, I guess that’s the only exception.”

Friend #3: “Wait, I was a C-section.”

Friend #1: “Oh, my God! You’re a platinum-card gay!”