90% Memes, 10% Spite, 100% Revenge
A few years ago, I worked at a janky, two-bit company. The boss thought he was Billy Big B*llocks and God’s Gift simultaneously. He had such a big head, I’m surprised he could get through doorways. He used to drink beer at his desk for lunch and would often arrive at work late. He was also an insufferable muscle-bro and walked around as if carrying rolls of carpet under each arm.
A few months into my time there, the company starts winning large orders, so he asks me to set up a small-scale production line to increase capacity and tells me the new hire will be situated there.
I design it, set it up, test it all works, and I’m feeling a sense of pride with what I’ve accomplished; it worked like a dream. I was confident it would work really well for the new hire. Because I’m an engineer by trade, everything was perfect and only I knew how to fix the broken s***. Nobody else asked how it worked.
A while later, there was an issue; he couldn’t hire anyone willing to accept such a crappy wage and boring work. So, Billy Big B*llocks had a bright idea to demote me and make me governor of my creation.
No way, not for £9k less.
I immediately started job hunting, and I told him, “If that’s your final offer, regard tomorrow as my final day.” He panics that he’s committed the company to a £1m order due for shipping in three days’ time. During his alcohol fuelled panic, he tells me to write up highly detailed technical manuals and processes for my replacement (the production line included some precise handwork).
I can’t do that in one day! He also didn’t specify what they should contain, and considering I had no help from him with this project, just complaints, I thought, ‘f*** it.’ So sure, he got his manuals.
I created Word documents with convincing titles like ‘Technical Manual – Product Version 2.0’ and ‘How to Do This Precise Task.’ Inside the documents were, for example, the surprised Pikachu face, and Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys looking lost. Then, below just one line of text reading, ‘This manual contains all the information I could find or was given.’
The file sizes would also indicate a lot of text was contained within, thanks to the images; therefore, at face value, they looked legitimate.
I saved them to my laptop in an equally legitimate-looking folder that afternoon. Early the next morning, I came to work to collect my belongings and do some handovers, and found the laptop had vanished. I said my goodbyes to my colleagues and looked over to see him looking incensed with a beer in one hand. He was so angry, he didn’t look up from his desk.
A friend told me later that the company missed the production deadline despite his working twelve-hour days to try to catch up. Apparently, the client was extremely f***ed off!
