Unfiltered Story #67261

(I work night audit at the front desk, and I’m the only staff on duty until the morning shift starts. This occurs in the early morning, less than an hour before my shift ends. An elderly guest comes up to the desk and stares at me with a stone-cold serious expression on her face.)

Me: “Good morning! Checking out?”

Guest: “…”

Me: “… How can I help you?”

Guest: *begins tapping her fingers on the desk impatiently* “…”

Me: “… Is something the matter?”

Guest: “… Do you know… that… your elevator door… is warped? It rattles.”

Me: “Warped? Well, does it rattle on any particular floor or all of them?”

Guest: *pauses again, then very impatiently* “Nooo. … You don’t have a lot of floors, hon. If I were you, I’d call the manufacturer right now and have them fix that right away. It’s unsafe.”

(I know for a fact that the management is aware of the elevator door which is a nuisance at worst, and won’t authorize it to be repaired. As I’m trying to think of a diplomatic response, she continues.)

Guest: “You do know you only have one elevator, right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I know.”

Guest: “I’m going to use that elevator right now to go back to my room. It’s unsafe.”

Me: “… Do you want me to go with you?”

Guest: “… Nooo. … I need my bill. I had two rooms.”

Me: “Ah, okay, we can do that right now.”

Guest: “It needs to be one sheet with all my expenses.”

Me: “Well, due to the way our system works we print up one bill per room, not a combined bill for both. I’ll print those up for you.”

Guest: “… Nooo. I paid for both those rooms. Me. I need them to be on ONE SHEET that I can sign and take with me.”

Me: “Okay, um, our system won’t allow us to merge two guest folios into one receipt, but your two receipts will show what you paid for each.”

Guest: “Hon, you’re not listening. I DON’T CARE HOW MANY SHEETS IT COMES IN. I just need a receipt that can show I paid with my hard-earned money.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have those for you shortly.”

Guest: “You’ll have them for me when I come back.”

Me: “Yes, of course. I’ll have them waiting here for you.”

(I print up the receipts as she wanders back into the elevator. A few minutes later she comes back.)

Me: “Here you are, ma’am. These are your receipts for your two rooms.”

Guest: “… I paid in cash.”

(The receipts clearly show she paid with her credit card.)

Me: “Oh? Well, there’s nothing in these folios that says you paid in cash before.”

Guest: “… I paid in cash.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we don’t have any recorded cash payments from you on file.”

Guest: “…”

Me: “Did you want to pay in cash now?”

Guest: “… Nooo. …”

(Taking the receipts anyway, she wanders away again, returning a few minutes later.)

Guest: *not changing her harsh tone or dead serious glare* “I’m not mad at you, hon. I’m mad at the driver who stayed in the other room I paid for.” *leans in close* “I went up to my room, and he left the meter running.”

Me: “Ah, I see… Where is he now?”

Guest: “He’s in the parking lot. And YOU… are going to call the state police and have them pay him a little visit, because he should NOT be on the road. … He doesn’t know where he is.”

(I have no idea what’s going on, but I’m pretty sure I can’t call the state police just because she hired a bad taxi driver. She wanders out the front door, and I assume she’s leaving. A few minutes later she wanders back in.)

Guest: *pointing at me, using the exact same tone* “MARY… has… a lamb. … Mary had a little lamb… whose FLEECE… was BLACK… as INK.”

Me: *speechless*

Guest: “That front door is too heavy.”

(She wandered between using the elevator and using the front door at least twice before my shift mercifully ended.)