5 Times Employees Had To Deal With Ridiculous Customers

From the NARchives: Employees are used to dealing with unbelievable demands, but these 5 situations with ridiculous customers really raise the bar!

1. First, there was the strange resort guest who had a bad feeling about Jedis:

I’m the resort coordinator and often deal with claims from guests who have had an incident.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Resort]. How may I help you today?”

Guest: *already irate* “You can help me by filing a claim for me! I slipped and fell on your property during my vacation and I deserve compensation.”

Me: “I’m so very sorry that happened to you. Can you please provide me with your name and the dates of your stay so I can pull the incident report?”

She gives me the information.

Me: “It seems that your stay with us occurred almost three years ago. The report says you didn’t want to file a claim at the time. May I ask why you’re just now contacting us?”

Guest: “You should know! You’re the one that hired that voodoo man!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Guest: “The security guard! The security guard who helped me up! He wiped my memory and his spell just wore off!”

Me: “He wiped your memory?”

Guest: “That’s what I just said, you idiot! Wiped it clean so I wouldn’t sue you people!”

Me: “He wiped your memory? Like a Jedi?”

Guest: “Yes! A Jedi! Now you understand why I have to deal with this now! That voodoo man is evil!”

 

2. Then, there was the demanding wedding customer who had “gnome” idea how garden gnomes work:

I work in a custom ceramics shop where we offer a touch-up/repainting service. A woman in a formal dress comes in with an armful of garden gnomes.

Customer: “I need these gnomes to match this dress.”

Me: “Okay, we can do that. Do you mind if we take a picture for reference?”

Customer: “It’s for a wedding.”

Me: “That’s nice.”

Customer: “It’s this afternoon.”

Me: “This afternoon?”

Customer: “Yes, at three. What, did you think I just walked around dressed like this all the time?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we can’t help you. It would take the better part of a day just to paint all these little guys, and it takes at least three hours for the glaze to dry completely.”

Customer: “You don’t need to paint them! Just get them to change their little clothes!”

Me: “Ma’am, these are garden gnomes.”

Customer: “Exactly! Now, unfreeze them and make them change! I’m going to be late!”

 

3. Next, this creepy bookstore customer with an unbelievable request for an employee and her friend:

A friend of mine comes in to buy something. I help her find it, check her out, and we make plans to meet up after my shift is over. We’re both 22-year-old brunette girls.

Coworker: “Hey, I think there’s a guy on the phone for you. Did you just help a tall brunette girl?”

Me: “Yep, I’ll take the call.”

I take the phone.

Me: “Hello this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Did you just help a girl find a book?”

Me: “Yes, it was a copy of the new Margaret Atwood book. Would you like a copy?”

Caller: “Is that like a code or something?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Caller: “Someone asks for that book and you go home with them?”

Me: “Sir, she just happened to be a friend of mine. We made plans to hang out later today. Can I help you find a book?”

Caller: “Oh, so is there a book code that means I can have a threesome with you two?”

Me: “Uh…”

 

4. This enraged hotel guest who couldn’t wait to “bare” all her grievances:

Me: “Good morning, sir, would you like a room for the night?”

Husband: “Ummmmm… I dunno, let me go ask my wife.”

He leaves for about ten minutes.

Husband: “She said yes. How much for one bed?”

Me: “It’s 79 plus tax, sir, but the only single bedrooms we have right now are smoking rooms.”

Husband: “Okay, let me go ask my wife.”

He’s gone for another ten minutes or so. He comes back with his wife.

Wife: “Why don’t you have any non-smoking rooms?”

Me: “We sold out of them earlier this afternoon. In fact, we only have three rooms left for the night.”

Wife: “Well, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in all my life! You are going to rent me a room or I’m going to have to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, what kind of room would you like? ”

Wife: “WE would like a single, NON-SMOKING ROOM!”

Me: “I already told you and your husband that we only have smoking rooms available.”

Wife: “I. WANT. NON. SMOKING.”

Me: “I only have smoking rooms left. If you want, though I can give you the location of another hotel.”

Husband: “We’re only gonna be here a few hours. Smoking is fine. I’m just sleeping.”

They bicker back and forth for nearly twenty minutes. Another customer comes up to the desk, and I offer to help her.

Wife: “You will not help anyone else until you help me!”

The other customer doesn’t seem to mind and stands back.

Wife: “Just give me the stupid smoking room.”

Me: “I need to see your driver’s license, ma’am.”

Wife: “WHAT? ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME! I’VE NEVER BEEN ASKED FOR MY LICENSE AT ANY HOTEL BEFORE!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s standard procedure for pretty much any hotel you go to. It’s for liability reasons, and in case the room is damaged in any way.”

Wife: “F*** YOU! YOU’RE A F***ING SPY! I WILL NOT BE KEPT UNDER SURVEILLANCE! F*** YOU AND YOUR STUPID F***ING HOTEL!”

The wife proceeds to throw everything she can reach at me, and tries coming over the counter at me. She then starts stripping off her clothes and running around in circles in the lobby. Thankfully the other customer calls 911 and the police arrive in moments. I gave the second lady a complimentary room.

 

5. Lastly, this dumb caller with a tattoo kit whose wife should really be concerned about his career plans:

Caller: “Yeah, I bought this tattoo kit from you guys the other day, and there’s stuff missing from it.”

Me: “Stuff missing? Like what?”

Caller: “Well, for starters, there’s no book with it… and I don’t know how to assemble it.”

Me: “Book? What book? We don’t have books. We just sell tattoo inks, needles, machines… and assembly? Is there something not assembled in your kit?”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s all in pieces… it’s a piece of crap!”

Me: “Pieces? Did it get damaged during shipment to you?”

Caller: “No, it’s just a bunch of pieces. There’s a power supply, foot pedal, a couple of tattoo machines… but I gotta put it together myself. That’s bulls***! I don’t know what I’m doing! You guys should have assembled everything for me before shipping.”

Me: “You want us to assemble your tattoo shop for you? Wait a sec… Did you say you don’t know what you’re doing?”

Caller: “That’s right. I’ve never tattooed before. That’s why I thought there’d be a book with the kit.”

Me: “You mean like: step one, put a picture on the skin; step two, dip the needle in ink; step three, tattoo the ink into the skin?”

Caller: “Yeah, that’s it! Why didn’t you guys give me that kinda book when I bought the kit!?”

Me: “So, how are you expecting to learn to tattoo? Are you not doing a tattoo apprenticeship at a real tattoo shop, where they teach you to do this sort of thing?”

Caller: “Nah… I just figured I’d start off tattooing my wife until I can figure it out…”

 

Have you ever had to deal with someone ridiculous? Share your story or leave a comment below!