Unfiltered Story #47640

My dad, mother and I are out to dinner. My mother and I don’t have a great relationship, but I come from a very antagonistic and funny family. (sidenote: While I am straight my mother continually asks if I’m a lesbian as she’s never met any of my relationships or heard about them until they’re done and she’s knows I support LGBT equality and marriage)

Mother stares me down for a few moments: “I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to answer me honestly. Ok?!”

Me: “For the 356 millionth time, I’m not a lesbian!”

Mother: “That’s not it. Why do you wear black all the time?”

Me: “Cause it’s more professional and black is slimming.”

Mother stares at me: “Is that the truth? Because when I was young my therapist told me that I wore black all the time because of a deep hatred of my mother.”

Me with a big smile: “Yeah, that’s pretty much why I do too”

Dad cracks up laughing.

Mother as she’s getting up and walking to the bar: “One day I’m going to have a normal daughter who wears colour and likes boys…”

Me yelling out to her as she walks away: “I’M NOT A FREAKING LESBIAN!!!”

Dad cracks up laughing even more.