Unfiltered Story #343127

It’s a good thing for us men that women can’t read our minds, or we’d be slapped about once every minute.

I met [Friend] in college and we’ve been besties for 30 years now. When we were both young, wild and single we developed a code so we could truly express our innermost thoughts without being offensive to the people in those thoughts. We’ve both been happily married for 20 years as a result. All the females in our lives — our wives, their friends, and the associates and friends of those friends — genuinely view us as nice guys, and not in the incel sense of the word either.

25 years ago, the two of us were browsing at the mall (translated as “ogling all the hot babes”) and using our code to make remarks like “Look at the ass on her” and “That blonde has great tits” without actually speaking those words. Two beautiful women are sitting together, and my friend says in code, “We should talk to them. I’ll take the redhead with the massive chest and you take the brunette with the nice juicy ass.”

We walk over and because we actually have to talk in normal English, we’re both kind of shy. Apparently our tongue-tied state and fierce blushes were endearing. We score dates, one thing leads to another, and before we know it, we’re married.

But men will be men. He was the best man at my wedding, and I was his best man at his, and we used our code to admire some of the bridesmaids and female guests. Even today, when we take our wives to the mall and then we meet up, we still use our code to talk about how sexy the ladies at the mall are.

To be clear, all we ever do is look and talk. But it’s a good thing our wives don’t know that we’re not actually talking about bakery goods, or they’d have backhanded us a few million times now.