Unfiltered Story #337149
A few years ago the older brother of one of my friends was participating in the “pumpkin chunkin” competition. For those who have sadly never heard of it this is a competition to see who can toss a pumpkin the furthest via home built catapults, trebuchet, and similar devices. I’d gone with my friend to the competition to see the flight, and death, of many many brave pumpkins.
I also need to mention I have a very close opposite sex friend. We are only friends and have no intention of being anything more then friends; which is why we both find it so frustrating that everyone we know keeps insinuating we should start dating. My friend knows this annoys us, which of course is exactly the reason he goes out of his way to tease me about it – the joys of friendship. At least in his case it’s more good natured teasing of someone who knows it’s never going to happen rather then an honest attempt to hook us up like others keep doing.
Friend: “when are you finally going to give in to public demand and ask [opposite sex friend] out on a real date?
Me: “When pigs fly”
Friend’s older brother (gesturing towards their trebuchet): “If one of you provides the pig that can be arranged.”
Having decided this was a great idea the two brothers went out of their way to change up lunch plans to instead have someone pick up pizza for us all. They then proceeded to pluck a pepperoni off of a slice of pizza and proceeded to attempt to launch it into the stratosphere with their trebuchet. And when their first attempt yielded lack luster results the older brother’s whole team proceeded to put way more effort then was warranted into figuring out how to get a second poor pepperoni to fly properly.
Friend: There you go, pigs have flown per your request. I’m sure [friend’s girlfriend] would love to set up a double date with you two once you ask [my definitely-not-a-girlfriend friend] out.
For the record years later and even flying pigs have not managed to force us to start dating, much to the frustration of seemingly every single mutual friend the two of us have.
