Unfiltered Story #32243

Unfiltered | January 7, 2016

(So we’ve had this substitute teacher a few times in the past and he’s a bit of an oddball–and not in a good way, either. He constantly is saying weird stuff that is definitely not school-appropriate. My sister has had him before, too, and says that he’s said some questionable things during her class.
On this particular day, we’re testing reflex times versus reaction times when we hit the patella tendon beneath the kneecap. We have electrodes set up on Friend #1’s knee as we test and it connects to the computer nearby. It’s pretty much an EKG and shows the energy and stuff taking place. In our group, it’s myself, Friend #1, Friend #2, and Friend #3)

Me: (Sitting at the computer and clicking the mouse as needed.) Okay, I got that one. Ready for the next?

Friend #2: (Gets ready to tap the hammer)

Substitute: (Walks up) Oh! That looks a lot like an EKG!

(We all kinda look at each other nervously because we have no idea what he’s going to say next.)

Me: Um, yeah. We used this stuff last year to measure our heart rates.

Substitute: You know, my wife is a nurse. One time she brought home an EKG.

(We all exchange a confused look because I’m pretty sure that’s illegal)

Substitute: Yeah, she hooked me up and we started, y’know, foolin’ around. We were looking at how it affected my heart rate. And I said to her, ‘I hope you aren’t planning on bringing this back in–they’d think something was wrong with me!’

Friend #2: (Gets up abruptly and walks over to us) He’s seriously creeping me out, now. I really don’t want to listen to this.

Friend #1: He’s always been creepy, but this seriously just takes the cake.

Substitute: (Talking to Friend #3, who’s a pretty mature junior guy that’s generally really chill) And, man, I felt like I was in a gentleman’s club!

(Friend #3 has been awkwardly chuckling and nodding and mumbling affirmatives as the sub continues to talk. Under normal circumstances, this would be hilarious to watch, but we’re too weirded out.)

(After the sub has walked away after talking about this for about fifteen minutes)

Friend #3: (Breathes huge sigh of relief) That was WEIRD.

Me: I mean, I don’t mind teachers that are casual around the students, but that was WAY too personal.

(Apparently he had gone up to another student in my class at some point that day and started making racist comments about the K-pop band she had on her desktop. He’s seriously the weirdest sub I’ve ever had. He’s short, kinda old, bald, and is a borderline-pedophile.)

(I ended up getting him fired after I reported him)