Unfiltered Story #292265

I’m not a massive fan of weddings, its nice to see people and the food is normally good. But I would rather not be invited.

This time I couldn’t get out of it, and was dragged to the wedding of some distant cousin. The day drags on to the meal, which actually sounds pretty good.
Minor issue is that I am sat next to what appears to be Britain’s noisiest eater, and a messy one too.

He forms a bib out of his napkin but still manages to get the soup down him , which he drinks the last, directly from the bowl.
He eats all of the bread and gets shirty with the wait staff when there isn’t enough for a third refill.

The main meal is much like the first, the nice white tablecloths may never recover from the surrealist attempt on art, he makes with the gravy.
He is still finishing his meal when he asks:

Man: what did you get for desert?

Me: … the profiteroles i think.

Man: I got the chocolate cake, very nice.

(I excuse myself and go to the toilet, partly just to get out of the splash zone. I end of chatting with another guest and return as they are dishing out desserts. I arrive at my table just after the waiter, he places my dessert and the messy eaters down at the same time. I catch the messy eater swapping the plates!)

Me: what are you doing?

Man: oh I err didnt see you there. I just thought you would like to swap.

Me: I can’t eat that cake, it has nuts in it. I’m allergic.

Man: oh, if you tried it, i’m sure you would like it.

(I grab my plate and find another table to sit at, I think I’m being low key, but clearly I wasn’t. The bride comes see me later apologising . Apparently some oddball relative of the groom that technically wasn’t invited but bullied his way onto a plus one.
Thankfully be left shortly after and I did enjoy the rest of the event. )