Unfiltered Story #28489

(I’m in a group chat with two friends of mine. They’ve never met; I introduced them via said group chat, but that’s another story. Friend 2 is like my sister; we’re very close, despite her being an internet friend. Friend 1 is someone I met in person, but since he lives in another country we only talk via instant messaging. I’m at a dinner with family and family friends while I’m texting. We were discussing survival methods in the wilderness and the topic changed to how Friend 2 and I want to get away from life for a while and relax off the grid. I mentioned that while I wanted to, I couldn’t ‘run away’ because of responsibilities I have.)

Friend 1: Isn’t that the POINT of running waayV?

Me *making fun of his typo*: Yes it’s the point of running waayV.

Friend 1: Oh hahaha.
Ha.

Haha.
Ha.

You won’t be mocking my giant hands when I’m the only thing stopping you from falling off a cliff.

Me: Let’s be honest you’d just let me fall I’m an a**.

Friend 2: No, he’d let you almost fall to scare you.

Friend 1: Nah.

Only because you would then owe me a blood oath.

Me: Psh. No I wouldn’t!

Friend 1: Owning you seems rather good payment for saving your life.

Me: You really want to own THIS mess?

Friend 1: Do you have any idea how much COMEDY you bring to my life? Not you yourself, just what happens to you.

Me: …no? I’m so boring tho.

Friend 1 *making up conversation*: “[my name], go grab that frying pan?”

“What, this thing?”

(He sends a picture of a round, flat car speaker, insinuating that I don’t know what either a speaker or a frying pan is. Note that he’s just teasing, and I’m not actually offended; it’s all funny to me.)

Me: I know what a freaking frying pan is!

Me *a moment later*: I accidentally said that out loud, I was so offended at that insinuation.

(I had, in fact, read his comment and blurted “I know what a frying pan is!” to the confusion and shock of the people around the table. I hadn’t realised I’d spoken aloud until the stares, which was when I sent the second message.)

Friend 1: Hahahaha, that is literally what I was talking about.

Friend 2: XD

(I stopped trying to argue after that.)