Unfiltered Story #28446

Vienna, Austria | Unfiltered | June 18, 2017

(I have a friend who loves designer handbags. Still, she would never buy such frivolous nonsense for herself, as she expects to be given expensive things by men. She once joined my husband and me on a holiday, which she mostly spent window shopping at every bag shop she encountered, wasting a lot of precious sightseeing time educating us on all her material wishes. A year after the catastrophic trip, my husband and I are abroad again. One day, he brings back a cheap used counterfeit handbag from a flea market, proud to be the first man to ever buy my friend a bag of her favourite brand. We decide to have some fun, so I message her.)

Me: “[Husband] has bought a handbag for another woman today! Should I be worried?”

Friend: “Which handbag?”

Me: “Who cares! Tell me your opinion, do you think it’s troublesome that he buys stuff for someone else than me?”

Friend: “Depends on the handbag.”

Me: “It is brown, quite ugly, and smells strange. So, tell me, what is that bag saying about the state of our marriage?”

Friend: “Send a photo, I cannot judge the situation without seeing it first.”

(We pose for a selfie: My husband grinning and slapping his forehead, me with an overly dramatic panicked expression.)

Friend: “Not of you, I need to see the handbag!”

(I send a badly lit photo of the handbag in its plastic bag.)

Friend: “Take it out! It could be a [Brand Bag]!”

(I write a price tag, formerly 1600 Euro, now only 799, and place it on the unobscured handbag.)

Me: “Happy? Can we discuss the actual matter now?”

Friend: “It’s a [Brand Bag]!!! It’s the [Model]!!! Steal it from him!”

Me: “Really?”

Friend: “It’s sooo beautiful! He should have consulted me, though, usually it’s just 550 Euro.”

Me: “He must have thought that the woman is worth more.”

Friend: “She is really lucky! You should take it from him, then he can’t give it to her!”

Me: “What if [Husband] just buys another one? It wouldn’t solve any of my problems! Besides, it’s ugly and I don’t need a bag.”

Friend: “How can you say that?! I have always wanted this exact bag! It deserves to be loved and worshipped!”

Me: “So, do you want to know anything about the woman? I’m still waiting for your advice!”

Friend: “Sure.”

Me: “She has a strange desire for expensive things and can sometimes be incredibly slow. Who does this sound like?”

Friend: “Forget the other woman, you have to steal the bag immediately from him! And then you give it to me!”

Me: “How am I supposed to do that?”

Friend: “You wait until he is asleep, then hide the bag. I’m going to meet you at the airport and make it disappear. What is he doing right now?”

Me: “He has been shaking his head since we started texting, and just muttered something about live reality TV and an exceptionally stupid person. Any ideas what that could mean?”

Friend: “See, he doesn’t even care about how you feel right now! Another sign that the bag should be mine!”

(The next morning:)

Me: “So, have you figured out who the materialistic woman the handbag is for could be?”

Friend: “No, but you are going to steal it for me today!”

(A couple of days later, we are back home and I meet my friend.)

Me: *handing her the wrapped bag* “Here, I stole the ugly thing for you.”

Friend: “Wow, really? I didn’t think you would actually dare that! Wonderful! Did [Husband] notice?”

Me: “Sure.”

Friend: “What did he say?!”

Me: “After he bought it, ‘I have got the perfect gift for [Friend]!’, and this morning, ‘How can [Friend] be so ignorant?’.”

Friend: “It was for me?! I’m so happy- Hey, wait, no, this bag is fake!”

(I’m not sure if that or the whole prank bothered her more. To this day, she has been waiting for a millionaire to magically appear and reward her with a luxurious life. My husband still refers to the incident as the best 8 Euro ever spent on entertainment. I now know who to never consult when I have relationship problems.)

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  • Lou Miller

    OP: “I now know who to never consult when I have relationship problems.”

    Seriously? It took her reaction to that stupid prank for you to figure out she’s lousy for relationship advise.

    I had that figured out after your second sentence when you said she expects to be given expensive things by men.

    • TheBigBadWolf

      Maybe it’s a platonic case of “love is blind”?

  • JB

    What’s the Too Long: Didn’t Read version?

    • Rachel Schmachel

      OP has decided that someone she calls a friend isn’t worthy of respect, so it was OK to play a mean trick on them.

      • Paul Nieuwkamp

        I don’t know which story you read, but I read: “Dense materialistic woman good-naturedly pranked by OP”…

        What part of it do you consider ‘mean’, because I don’t see it 🙂 The fake part? If that friend had half a brain she’d know OP or husband won’t pay anywhere near that amount for a handbag…

        • Rachel Schmachel

          Repeatedly calling her stupid, as well as the tone of condescension throughout the entire story. Putting her through all of that teasing for a fake item. I’d never treat a friend of mine that way, even if I didn’t share their priorities.
          Also, with seldom submitted stories, I take their perceptions of others with a grain of salt, whereas their admitted behaviour speaks for itself.

        • Wendigone

          There’s nothing good-natured about how cruelly she was spoken of both to her face and in the narrative here. Clearly, OP needs to stop being part of this woman’s life and leave her alone if she’s so horrible in OP’s mind.

  • Wendigone

    That’s not a friend, OP. That’s someone you’re treating like excrement. Let her go; no matter how shallow she is, she deserves friends who respect her and you’re clearly sick of dealing with her presence.

    • Souless night

      Respect someone who cares more about what she owns rather than the people she calls friends..? That’s like respecting old people who are a-holes to everyone

      • Wendigone

        If OP is going to call this person a friend, then yes they need to respect her. If not, then admit she’s not a friend and cut her out of their life. Simple as that. If she hasn’t earned respect, she hasn’t earned friendship. Insulting her repeatedly like OP did and stringing her along are ridiculous and juvenile behaviours.

  • Lisa-Marie Dhondt

    I could appreciate the prank, had OP not made such a big deal about what ‘nonsense’ designer goods are and how stupidly materialistic the friend was. Why is liking designer goods nonsense? Or wishing someone would buy it for you? It’s just wishing, daydreaming. Does the bag girl go around bullying kids,torturing pets, shoving disabled people into the ground? No. She is probably a regular, kind person who happens to like/covet something expensive. OP comes across as on a high horse of moral superiority when she likely tut tuts if she sees someone pay for extra sauce on their baguette. You are cruel OP, go sightsee some away from consumerist nonsense.

  • Kristen

    Tldr: OP is a horrible person that is keeping punchung bag–I mean, friend–around to be her personal entertainment monkey because everyone else realized OP is kinda a toxic jerk

  • Asiyd

    Wow, I wouldn’t want to be your friend. You’re pretty judgmental over something that means jack diddly squat. Oh, boo hoo… they like designer bags and have a daydream about being a rich and pampered wife. Sounds like the scum of the earth to me. *sarcasm font*

    • canadateachernotmom

      Agreed. And if she thinks spending some time window-shopping makes a trip “catastrophic”, she needs to experience a real catastrophe.

      • Asiyd

        No kidding.

  • ShadeTail

    Normally I give OPs the benefit of the doubt, but this time I’m with the majority. This story makes OP sound like a mean and petty jerk.

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