Unfiltered Story #278243

this is the tragicomical story of how I accidentally created havoc onboard a train in February 2006.

I was travelling home with two friends. This was leg 3 of 5 of our way home, and the train arrived almost 15 minutes late. The delay was never explained but probably due to some last minute switch of some carriages – otherwise whoever compiled this 8 carriage train was really incompetent. There were about 500 passengers onboard, but there was only one toilet.

My friends and I found three seats together. We put our suitcases at the end of the carriage as other passengers had already flled the racks above our seats with their suitcases. The owners of the suitcases ordered us to not move or touch their suitcases, which was fine by us.

The train was full. More than full actually, with people standing in other carriages. Yet the conductor didn’t say anything to the man across from us. He occupied six seats on his own: his suitcases occupied three seats and he laid on the other side of the table, also occupying three seats. The conductor asked us other passengers to please make place for the standing passengers if possible, but he didn’t approach the sleeping guy. I found this odd, but it wasn’t any of my business. In hindsight I guess he was a known trouble maker and that’s why he was allowed to hog six seats just for himself and his precious luggage.

About an hour or so into the three hour train ride I had to visit the bathroom. As it was the only one there was quite a line. Opposite the bathroom there were some folding seats. Unless you counteracted the springs by pressing your feet to the floor the seats folded back up. The folding seats, which obviously were the worst on the train, were occupied by an elderly couple with three small girls. The youngest, in grandma’s arms, was about one and two older girls were about four and six years old. As the girls were too short for these seats they constantly fell to the floor as the seats folded.
Oh, if only there were, say six proper seats available somewhere on the train!

I really had to pee, and hurried when it finally was my turn. When I was done I flushed and raised up to quickly change my pad. As I stood up the used pad decided to drown itself and leaped down the flushing bowl. The pipes didn’t like this at all, and an awful gurgling sound was heard. I was both terrified and mortified. What If I had broken the toilet?

Back at my seat I asked Mr Seat Hogger if he would trade seats with the family outside the toilets. If he had refused I would have traded my own seat with the family as I was sure I could convince my friends to do the same . Mr Seat Hogger grudgingly agreed to the switch, and I ran back to inform to the family and help them carry their suitcases.

The family was settling in fine, when, about 15 minutes after my toilet mishap, we were informed that the toilet no longer worked as apparently some doofus had flushed something. Oops. I wanted to find a nice, deep hole to sink into, but preferably one where I didn’t encounter my used pad.

People were, quite understandably, not happy.

About an hour later the train stopped abruptly in the middle of nowhere. The sudden stop caused the suitcase above me to imitate my pad, but instead of jumping down the toilet bowl it aimed for my head. My neck twisted funnily and I heard and felt a loud cracking noise from my skull, whilst the world begun spinning.
As I tried to assess how badly I was injured – it was only a mild concussion and a slight whiplash – the owner of the suitcase exploded.
I had touched his suitcase! How dared I do such a thing?
He absolutely fumed as he removed his suitcase that still was on top of me.
His outburst didn’t make any sense then, and it still doesn’t. Maybe he was chocked too. Or he was just a massive jerk. Or a chocked massive jerk.

After an hour two police cars stopped on the road next to our train. Four policemen boarded the train to remove Mr Seat Hogger. Ouch. I began looking for that nice, deep hole again.

We finally got rolling again over an hour and a half late. Fortunately our connection train waited for our train to arrive.

I suspect that if the other passengers had found out that I managed to first break the toilet pipes and then the train delay by annoying Mr Seat Hogger, I would have had to walk home.

Title suggestions: “Throw OP Off the Train”, “Goldilocks awakens a sleeping bear: the bleeding train version”, “Those poor bladders” or “The adventures of the runaway pad and Mr Seat Hogger”