Unfiltered Story #272041

As someone who simply saw & heard this unfold, I’m still not quite sure who was in the wrong. A middle aged lady was sitting at a table in the bar area with a couple other people and her son, who by the looks, was probably early 20s, and disabled intellectually (relevant to the story). The son was dressed in clean clothes, although quite scruffy in appearance, and had a very agitated demeanour. The other person in the story was a young teenage girl, maybe 14-15 years old, who had come out of the restaurant area to get a drink.
The son spotted her, and got very excited/even more agitated, making a lot of loud noises (he was obviously non-verbal) and ran straight up to the girl, trying to grab at her and embrace her. She was clearly very uncomfortable with this.
Mother (turning around to see what had made her son run off, spotting the girl he was grabbing and seeing her scared expression) -“Oooh its alright, love, he just wants to say hello! He won’t hurt you!”
[By this time, her son was almost yelling and had grabbed the girl’s clothing and arm, holding onto her forcefully whilst he continued to yell just inches from her face]
Girl (clearly intimidated and very shy looking) – “umm, he’s making me uncomfortable!!”
Mother – “Have you not been around disabled people before?”
The girl shook her head no, still trying to pull away from the young man.
Mother (still in a friendly tone) – “that’s ok! He’s just being friendly, he obviously likes you! He won’t hurt you at all, he just wants a hug. Can you give him a hug?”
Girl – “umm, I really should be getting back to my table” (tries to pull away, further agitating the young man).
Mother (starting to get a slight edge to her tone) – “sweetheart, just give him a hug!! You should feel flattered that he’s chosen you out of everyone here; he doesn’t normally hug strangers. You said you’re not familiar with disabled people, and that’s fine. I promise he won’t hurt you”
[As the bar was very busy and slightly understaffed, none of the staff there had noticed the problem (the table was set back from the bar and there were other customers blocking their view)]
I wondered if I should step in to advocate for the girl, but I have a lot of anxiety in regards to public confrontation with strangers, especially if I’m not directly involved.
The girl gave a timid, half-hearted hug, to which the young man became even more excited and started jumping up and down, letting go of her in his excitement. She took her chance and immediately pulled away, walking very fast back to the restaurant, much to the disappointment of the man. He attempted to go after her, but his mother managed to stop him, and pulled him back to their table, saying in a disappointed voice to her companions – “that poor girl has never been around people who are different, I do hope she doesn’t react in such a way next time! It’s not your fault people don’t understand you, is it, [name]?” talking to her son, who was now sitting alongside her, still agitated and starting to stim and slap himself, whilst making quieter but unrecognisable noises. (I only mention this as I believe its relevant that he presented in what could be perceived as disconcerting or even intimidating to someone who has never been around anyone with any sort of special needs before.)
A minute or two later, the girl reappears, walking fast through the bar area with another older girl that looks similar enough to her that they were probably sisters, the older girl looking even more nervous and shy. They quickly strode towards the exit with their heads down, but the young man spotted them and jumped up. He was now almost shrieking with obvious distress that the girl was leaving, and tried to follow her, with his hands out to grab again.
His mother again managed to bring him back to the table, trying to soothe him, this time snapping to her companions – “for goodness sake, now she runs out without even giving him a hug goodbye?? I dream of the day that people like my son aren’t so blatantly ostracised, and they can be accepted into society without people freaking out and thinking they want to hurt them, just because they’re a bit different!”
At that moment, a waitress appeared and told the party their table in the restaurant was ready, and they all walked away.
I was left very confused as an observer – the mother was clearly upset that her son was unable to interact with other people, which as a mother myself, I understand that we want our kids to be able to get along with their peers. And a lot of intellectually disabled people have huge hearts, and are very loving, and affectionate in a tactile way – a simple hug can mean so much to them, in a world that they find hard to communicate with.
But should a young girl who was clearly uncomfortable, really have to give up her bodily autonomy and get into a physically intimate embrace with an older male, when she clearly didn’t want to?
Over to you, readers of NAR, because I could clearly see both sides, and I can’t for the life of me work out what “should” have happened.