Unfiltered Story #255069

My best friend wants to host a Super Smash Bros night at his place, but we’re down a player. Since our third player is his girlfriend, I decide to work up the nerve and ask the girl I like to be our fourth player. To my delight, she agrees–but she says she’s never played the Wii before. I tell her it’s really easy to learn, and we promise to go easy on her.

We all arrive at my best friend’s house. The snacks are ready, and we all sit down to play. They both pick Princess Peach, the character they’re both killer with. I pick my best character, Luigi. The girl I like picks Zelda. That’s when things go south. The girl I like immediately starts whining the entire time.

Girl: I don’t get it? How do you keep putting that shield up?

Me: You press the L or R button.

Girl: Where are those?

Me: The left or right buttons! *Obviously!*

Girl: And where are those?

Me: On the top of the controller!

While the conversation goes on, we’re all beating each other up.

Girl: How come I keep falling off the cliff? How do you guys keep jumping out of it?

Best Friend: You have to do the double jump!

Girl: How?

Best Friend: Not now, [Girlfriend] is about to get the hammer!

Girlfriend: *laughs evilly* Better watch out! I’m coming for you!

Girl: Ugh, I just keep dying.

Me: You really should transform into Sheik.

Girl: How do I do that? *Zelda gets sent flying, losing her last life* Nevermind…

Me: *to my best friend and his girlfriend* You two should be forbidden to play as Princess Peach. No one can beat you!

Best Friend: Don’t give me that when you’re playing with Luigi! *We fist bump*

The next round begins. The girl continue to blabber the entire time we’re playing, asking questions and complaining when her character dies. It’s incredibly distracting.

Girl: Woah! You just threw me! How can you even do that?!

Best Friend: Just press the buttons!

Girl: Which ones?! …Ugh! Nevermind, I just died again!

Girlfriend: We told you, you have to double jump. If you did, you could have grabbed onto the ledge and survived.

Girl: I don’t even get what you’re saying! I thought you said you’d go easy on me!

Best Friend: We ARE going easy on you.

Me: He’s right. And it’s not our fault you can’t figure out a strategy to beat us.

The girl I (used-to) like gives me a death glare. She puts her controller on the end table and walks out of the room. I hear her in the kitchen calling her mother to get a lift home.

Best Friend: Dude, you’re better off without her.

She spent the next twenty minutes in the living room without even saying another word to any of us. She left without even saying good-bye or thanks for the snacks. I think I dodged a bullet on that one.