Unfiltered Story #252204

(I get a referral from one of my doctors for a specialty treatment, which is to be provided by a separate medical company contracted by my HMO to provide this service to patients. The treatment is very time-consuming and expensive, but not particularly urgent.

I’m told that I will get a call from the company once they receive the authorization. A full week later, on Monday at 4:28pm, I get this voicemail: )

Coordinator: “Hi, this message is for [my name]. I’m calling on behalf of the [HMO] Dr. [my doctor]. This is [coordinator] with [company]. We are in receipt of your authorization from Dr. [my doctor] for [very expensive treatment].

And, I do serve as our director (not true; I saw later in their own materials that it’s a long & ridiculously overblown title which means she’s essentially a receptionist/administrator), and I’d like to set you up for an initial consultation, or the treatment planning, and to answer any questions you may have.

Um, [HMO] does require that we reach the patients within 72 hours of the authorization, which started on… uhhh… the [date which is Thurs. of the previous week], so, uhhh… if you could kindly, ummm… *in a wheedling tone* call me back… when you get a moment, [my name]… *in an even more wheedling tone*… I can be reached at [pronounces number slowly and with great emphasis], and again [my name], my name is [coordinator]! Okay, I’ll talk to you when you get a moment! Thank you! Bye now!”

Translation: “We’re desperate, yet are desperately trying to hide from you that we majorly screwed up about calling you in any kind of reasonable timeframe, and if you don’t call us back before end of business day today, we’re going to lose your authorization for [very expensive treatment] and will be (rightfully) blamed for it.”

(I considered leaving her hanging, but in the end decided not to be mean. But – really?!)