25 Of The Dumbest Things Customers Have Said

| | Right | May 19, 2016
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We feature a lot of stupid customers on this site, but the stories below really highlight some of the more memorable encounters with those lacking IQ, common sense, or both!

 

#1: What this customer said when informed that her child was too light to ride the white-water rapids:

Me: “Children need to weigh at least 90 pounds so they are not thrown too easily out of the boat. We do offer life-jackets, but wish to prevent an incident.”

Customer: “That’s ok. You know what? I will put some rocks in his pockets until he weighs 90 pounds. Can I buy the tickets now?”

(I am stunned and hope silently the lady will realize by herself how crazy the idea is of putting stones in the pockets of your kid and then putting him on a rubber boat in the middle of a very wild river with rapids of class R-III to R-IV +. After a couple of seconds of silence I realize she does not see the issue.)

Sinked fishermen's boat on the tropical background

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#2: What this customer believes is the cutting-edge of personal computing technology when trying to order clothes in-store:

Customer: “So the clothes don’t come from the computer?”

Me: “You mean directly from this computer?”

Customer: “Yes, of course. How do I get the clothes from the computer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it doesn’t work like that. We can’t store merchandise in our computers.”

Customer: “Well, your systems are too outdated! I will just go buy them from my home computer so I don’t have to wait for the warehouse to send me my order in the mail!”

Portrait young shocked business woman sitting in front of laptop computer looking at screen isolated grey wall background. Funny face expression emotion feelings problem perception reaction

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#3: This customers realization that we do not live in a world of robots or magic:

(I watch as a customer unfolds every single shirt at a table, holds it up, and then puts it back. She walks to the next table and I begin refolding the shirts.)

Customer: “Oh, wow!”

Me: “Is something wrong, ma’am?”

Customer: “No, nothing. I just didn’t realize they got real people to fold the shirts!”

Clothes

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#4: This customer both over-thinking it, and not thinking at all:

(A customer holds an  open envelope with a prepaid label on it.)

Customer: “I don’t know how to ship it or anything.”

Me: “Well, basically, you’re gonna want to seal it up and give it to me.”

Customer: “How do I seal it up?”

Me: “You peel off this strip here”.

(I point to the peel-off backing of the adhesive strip.)

Customer: “But how do I peel it off?”

Me: “With your fingers?”

Infopost

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#5: This customer who is just H2-Slow:

Pharmacist: “Do you have a question about your medication?”

Customer: “Yes, it says on the bottle to take with water. I don’t drink water. Water makes you fat.”

Pharmacist: “Um, water is essential for your body, especially with those pills.”

Customer: “What about water retention? Will I just pee it out, then?”

Pharmacist: “Yeah, your body will eventually eliminate it. You should drink water, though. Your body needs plenty of water to work well, and you really don’t want to be dehydrated while on this drug.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll try it. Oh, and one more question. What about alcohol? Can I still have my alcohol?”

Beer mug and tape measure . Diet concept

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#6: This customer who became an unintentional killer:

Customer: “Your product is defective!”

Me: “Okay, what product?”

Customer: “[Brand name] weed and grass killer!”

Me: “Okay, what is the problem?”

Customer: “It killed my grass!”

Me: “Um, it is weed and grass killer.”

Customer: “Yes, but it doesn’t say good grass!”

Funny dog with sunglasses and boots watering a flower from a watering can

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#7: This customer who is about to be assaulted with battery:

Customer: “I want to return these batteries.”

(She puts an opened pack of batteries on the counter.)

Me: “Oh, so they didn’t work?”

Customer: “Yeah, they worked for a few weeks, but now they’e broken. They’re not supposed to expire until 2015!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a ‘best if used by’ date, not an expiration date.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Batteries die. It’s just saying that you should use them before this date, not that they will last for 3 years.”

Customer: “You mean I have to buy more batteries?!”

Batteries in the Hand. Mobile Power Supplies in the Male Hand. Power Concept.

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#8: The Fourth Is Not Strong With This Customer:

Patient: “How about July 4th? I could come in at 1:00.”

Me: “Well, we’re closed for the holiday.”

Patient: “What holiday? There’s no holiday then!

(Before I can answer, she figures it out.)

Patient: “Oh…wait. July 4th must be the 4th of July!”

Funny photo of a Bulldog breed dog wearing red, white and blue sunglasses and pom-pom headband

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#9: This customer who spins your head right round, right round…

(I work at a cellphone store in the mall, but am standing outside to greet visitors. A random patron approaches me.)

Patron: “Excuse me, do you know where [cellphone store] is?”

Me: “Turn around.”

(The customer turns around, but in a 360 degree circle.)

Patron: *frustrated* “How did that help?!”

Me: “Wow.”

Woman with vertigo. Young patient suffering from dizziness

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#10: This customer who isn’t all sugar and spice and all things nice:

(I work at an adult store that used to sell a fake type of incense called ‘Spice’. It is now illegal, so we no longer carry it. Every so often, an undercover cop comes in asking for it—just to make sure we aren’t doing anything illegal. There are two other customers of a shady sort in the store already.)

Undercover Cop: “Hey, do you guys carry any Spice, still?”

Me: “No, sir, we no longer carry that product.”

Undercover Cop: “You sure you guys don’t have any in the back?”

Me: “I am, sir; it is illegal in Maryland. It is also a serious drug charge if caught with it, so we no longer carry it in any shape, way or form.”

Undercover Cop: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

(One of the shady customers approaches the guy, unaware that he’s a cop.)

Customer #1: “Hey, I got some stuff in my car you might be interested in.”

Undercover Cop: “Really? Show me.”

contrefaon

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#11: This customer who should not be allowed to look after any animal ever:

Customer: “Do you have any red birds for sale?”

Me: “I’m afraid that all of the birds we have right now are green and blue, no red ones. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just make one red for me, then?”

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s not something we can do.”

Customer: “And why not, exactly? I think you’re just being lazy, and I have more than half a mind to call your manager!”

Me: “You could do that, but he can’t make the birds red either, sorry.”

(The customer storms off in a huff. She comes back later asking if it is safe to dip a bird in paint.)

Colorful couple macaw sitting in a tree

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#12: This customer who thinks her plane is also a Tardis:

Airline Rep: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

Me: “Uh, I think so. I’ve swiped my passport, punched in my ticket number, put in my name, and it’s not registering.”

(The airline rep takes my information and tries it herself; the machine still doesn’t register. She looks at my itinerary.)

Airline Rep: “Well, ma’am, I think your main problem is that your flight doesn’t leave until tomorrow.”

Vintage classic brown leather suitcase. Travel concept

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#13: This customer who doesn’t really get how phone numbers work:

Me: “Good morning, you’re through to [firm name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Is this 1-800-Flowers?”

Me: “I’m afraid you have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m sorry; this number isn’t even 1-800.”

Caller: “Oh, Do you have the number for 1-800-Flowers?”

dummy secretary with punk style hair trying to answer the phone

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#14: Yet further proof that customers should not be allowed to handle their own money:

Coworker: “This is [Veterinarian]. Can I help you?”

Caller: “This is [Name]. My account number is [number]. I got an insufficient funds notice and I know I have enough in that account. You need to fix this!”

Coworker: “Sir, this is not a bank.”

Caller: “YES, IT IS! I just gave you my account number!”

Hands and burnning money - business concept

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#15: This customer who underPINs their own stupidity:

Me: “Okay, you’ll need your PIN to set up online banking. Without telling me what it is, can you tell me if you know your PIN?”

Caller: “Why can’t I say my PIN?”

Me: “It’s your secure PIN. You shouldn’t disclose it to anyone, not even me. If you do, I’m required to replace it. That will delay what you want to do today. So, please don’t tell me what it is. Do you know your PIN? Just yes or no will be fine.”

Caller: “My PIN is 1234. I forbid you to replace it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I asked you not to tell me, and I explained why. I have to replace it now. I am truly sorry. It will take up to seven business days for you to receive it by mail.”

Caller: “DON’T YOU DARE! I NEED ONLINE BANKING TO WORK TODAY!”

Me: “Ma’am, I did explain this. I also have no option. I’m now required to replace your PIN for security.”

Caller: “But I need this set up today! It’s urgent!”

Me: “Ma’am, you clearly understood me. Can I ask, why did you tell me your PIN after I asked you not to?”

Caller: “I DON’T LIKE BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO!”

Bad idea - simple PIN code written on the palm

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#16: This customer that just keeps digging a bigger hole for himself (click the link to the original story and read to the end, it’s worth it).

Deputy #1: “Yes. That is why we tell people to bring their license if they need to borrow a firearm. We cannot lend you one without it.”

Student: “I can’t bring one in. I don’t have a license right now.”

Deputy #2: “What? I saw you drive up here. What do you mean you don’t have a license now?”

Student: “Well, it was suspended.”

Deputy Sergeant: “Did you just tell us you are driving on a suspended license?”

Student: “Yeah. It sucks.”

transportation and vehicle concept - man drinking alcohol while driving the car

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#17: Another customer who just doesn’t get how the world works:

Me: “You know you can’t be in here, [Banned Customer].”

(My supervisor spots him and right away grabs the phone and heads into the employees only room.)

Banned Customer: “Can I just get a drink before the cops get here? I’ll leave right after.”

Me: I don’t think you understand the whole ‘you’re not allowed in here’ part.”

No entry sign

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#18: This customer who is above reading:

(I have finished ringing up a customer’s purchase when he is paying with a debit card at the card reader. My computer tells me the customer clicked the ‘cancel’ button on the machine.)

Me: “Sir, please re-slide your card and press the green button for credit.”

Customer: *to his wife* “They should make these things all work the same way.”

Customer’s Wife: “Honey, it says right there to press the green button for credit.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t be expected to read that.”

the key to press when you are frustrated

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#19: This customer that deals only in open and shut cases:

Caller: “What time are you open ’til?”

Me: “We close in 30 minutes, sir.”

Caller: “No! I don’t want to know when you close! I want to know how long you’ll be open!”

Me: “We’re open for another 30 minutes.”

Caller: “Thanks!” *hangs up*

Vintage closed sign

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#20: This customer who doesn’t understand what decaf means:

Customer: “Do you want your double-double?”

Friend: “No, thanks, I’m going to get an iced cappuccino.”

Customer: “It’s below 10 out.”

Friend: “Yeah, but I gave up caffeine for Lent, so I’m going to have an iced cap.”

Customer: “You know there caffeine in that, right?”

Friend: “Yes, in a HOT cappuccino. When you freeze it you kill the caffeine, so therefore it’s caffeine free. The sugar will keep me awake.”

Wake Up Coffee Cup Concept isolated on cyan background

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#21: These types of customers that only come out in the rain:

Customer: “Is this water resistant?”

Me: “It’s a raincoat.”

Customer: “Yes, but is it water resistant?”

Me: “Well, it’s a raincoat so it’s kind of meant to be worn when there’s water.”

Customer: “Oh, I see; it’s a raincoat… So, is it water resistant?”

Pomeranian in a raincoat with umbrella isolated on a blue background

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#22: This customer that fits the bill of stupid:

(I work in a video game store. A woman comes up, wanting to return a ‘Mario Galaxy’ for the Wii she had purchased.)

Customer: “I want to return this as it doesn’t work. What kind of scam are you running here?!”

Me: “Not a problem. I can return it for you if you have the receipt.”

Customer: “It wouldn’t start and it kept saying please insert an Xbox 360 game disk!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that but the game you purchased only works on a Wii and not an Xbox; if you would like you can exchange it for something else.”

Customer: “BUT IT FIT IN IT! IT SHOULD WORK! IT PLAYS GAMES AND THIS IS A GAME AND IT SHOULD JUST WORK! IT FIT INSIDE!”

Me: “But this is for an entirely different console. Your game is for the Wii and you have an Xbox 360 and they’re not compatible wi—”

Customer: “BUT IT FITS!”

Me: “Very well. Let me ask you a question, if your car ran out of petrol and you filled the tank with milk, would the car run?”

Customer: “NO! WHAT KIND OF STUPID, MORONIC QUESTION IS THAT?!”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct, but does it fit?”

Customer: *deer in the headlights look, and then walks out*

Game over - video game screen

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#23: This customer who has no vocation for location:

Me: “Thank you for calling [bookstore]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, yes, I’m trying to reach your store in Short Hills but no one will answer the phone.”

Me: “Oh… well, the location in Short Hills actually closed three years ago.”

Caller: “No, I don’t think you know what I’m talking about. I mean the one in the mall.”

Me: “Yes, that was our only location in Short Hills. It closed because the mall wanted to jack up the rent.”

Caller: “That’s ridiculous! I go to that store all the time. The number I have isn’t working and I can’t find it listed anywhere, so I need you to give me the phone number.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you this, but the number isn’t working because that store no longer exists. You can’t find it listed for the same reason.”

Caller: “I was there last week!”

Me: “I… don’t think that’s possible. There isn’t even a bookstore in that mall anymore.”

Caller: “Oh, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Get me the number or get me someone else who can!”

Me: “Ma’am, I actually used to work at that location. It closed down, so I transferred to this store three years ago. Is there something I can help you find, other than the number for the Short Hills store?”

Caller: “You know, the employees at the Short Hills store are going to be VERY upset that you’re saying this about them! I’m going to drive over there right now and tell them all about this!”

(One hour later, my coworker answers the phone.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling—”

Caller: “WHY IS THERE A CLOTHING STORE WHERE YOUR SHORT HILLS STORE USED TO BE?!”

Closing down sign in a city centre shop.

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#24: This customer who won’t be dis-appointed:

Caller: “Hi, I need to schedule an appointment with the doctor.”

Me: “Okay. Can I have your name, please?”

Caller: *gives name*

Me: “Well, it looks like you already have an appointment on the schedule for tomorrow. Do you need me to move it?”

Caller: “No, I don’t have an appointment.”

Me: “Are you sure? The computer says you’re marked down for 10:30 tomorrow morning.”

Caller: “I’m positive. I always write my doctor’s appointments down in my little book. And I don’t have an appointment written down in my book or anywhere else. That means it doesn’t exist. Your computer must be malfunctioning. Just give me an appointment.”

Me: “Wait… so my computer accidentally scheduled you an appointment?”

Caller: “Yes. Now, please make me a real appointment.”

Me: “Well, we have to schedule this type of appointment two months out.”

Caller: “No, no. I need to get in this week.”

Me: “Well, in that case, I just had a spot open up tomorrow at 10:30. Will that do?”

Caller: “Yes! Perfect! Thank you!”

Angry businesswoman shouting on phone in office

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#25: This set of customers who want Strawberry Fields Forever:

Me: “I’ll have a scoop of strawberry, please.”

Cashier: “Sorry, we only have chocolate, vanilla, and butter pecan today.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! Chocolate, then.”

Cashier: “Alright, anything else?”

Dad: “I’ll have a strawberry shake.”

Cashier: “Sorry, we only have chocolate, vanilla, and butter pecan.”

Dad: “Oh right, a chocolate shake then.”

Sister: “I want a strawberry sundae!”

Cashier: “We only have chocolate, vanilla, and butter pecan.”

Sister: “Okay, vanilla.”

Me: “Does that happen a lot?”

Cashier: “Often enough that I look forward to the days we actually have strawberry.”

 

Original Story:

ice-cream selection

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