Unfiltered Story #247158

(I worked at ASDA to pay for university bills back in 2013. Me and some other shmuck named Pat worked in the television area, calibrating the TVs to look absolutely stunning, playing the latest family films, you get the point. I went to the bathroom for a while one day just before the store opened and left Pat to control everything.)

Me: Dear lord… that felt like heaven — WAIT WHAT IS GOING ON?

(Customers are vomiting all over the area, and a rather disgusting splatter film is playing on the largest television on display.)

Pat: That wasn’t me, (my name)!

(I turn off the television and eject the disc inside. It’s The Human Centipede 2. I hold up the disc to Pat.)

Me: Explain this to the boss. Our cleaner is already tired out from his night shift, A FIVE YEAR OLD SAW THAT MOVIE, AND THE BOSS IS COMING TO CHECK ON US RIGHT THIS MINUTE-

Boss: (stunned silence) MOTHER OF JESUS CHRIST’S MOTHER! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAPPENED HERE?

Me: It was Pat. (holds up disc to Boss) He put this goddamn disc in the player just when the store was about to open.

(Pat has an expression of “oh crap” on his face as the boss gives him an angry glare. He was fired later. We had to close the television section for a fortnight after that while we got hazmat to clean all the vomit. I got a pay rise at the end of it all.)