Unfiltered Story #246703

My husband and I have been married for six years, and were together for three years before that. We occasionally argue, of course, but we always make up fairly quickly, usually with an apology on both sides. Over the last couple of years, my husband has built up a very close friendship with one of his colleagues, and over the past few months, it starts to bother me.

I am not naturally a jealous person, because I assume that if someone is with me, it’s because they want to be with me. In fact, I ended two of my previous relationships due to excessive jealousy on their part. (In one case because I “sat provocatively” in the presence of a mutual friend, and in the other case because I wanted to meet up with a group of friends from my past, one of whom I’d dated for three weeks about five years before.)

So, safe to say I’ve never had a problem with my husband having close friendships with other women, and I don’t have a problem with this one to begin with. But then things start getting a bit weird.

About eight months ago, my husband starts mentioning her a lot. Literally almost every day. “Jessie did this, Jessie says this, etc.” (obviously not her real name). I listen, because I’m always interested in what my husband has to say, plus I’ve met “Jessie” a few times, and I like her.

After a few months, though, I start getting rather irritated, because it seems as if my husband is more interested in Jessie’s day to day life than he is mine. He also starts putting a lot of thought and money into gifts for Jessie. Which wouldn’t bother me at all, except that it’s more thought and money than I get, so I can’t help but compare it.

Jessie’s last birthday, my husband bought her an expensive and thoughtful gift, plus a hand-drawn card. For my birthday, I got a slightly thoughtful and very cheap present, a sort-of-okay present, no card, and a half-assed apology.

Christmas is coming up, and I’ve been putting a lot of effort into all the family presents, as I usually do. My husband tells me to use his account on “popular shopping site” to choose the presents for his family, so I log into his account. Just as I’m doing so, he yells at me to stop, as “I forgot there’s presents on there for you!” I behave like any rational human being who thinks her husband might be cheating on her, log out immediately, and pretend I didn’t see anything. Then I log back in. There is nothing in recent orders that would remotely interest me. What there is, though, is an astoundingly expensive item in the basket, that I know that Jessie would love.

I’ve known for a while that my husband is having an emotional affair, but I wonder to myself if now’s the time he’s about to try and embark on a physical affair as well. I feel like Emma Thompson’s character in ‘Love Actually’ when she opens that Joni Mitchell CD.