Unfiltered Story #245454

In my early twenties, I worked day shifts in my mum’s pub. The thing that needs to be understood about that place is, that the regulars will come in at opening time and stay until close, drinking the whole time. So it was not unusual to have very drunk patrons by the early afternoon. I never worked nights, because my mum wouldn’t even let me through the door after 5pm. Being young and rather well endowed, I had to put up with a lot from the patrons, but there was one incident that really took the metaphorical cake.

It was about 1pm, and the pub only had a few patrons. A construction guy eating my mum’s homemade lunch, a guy nursing a beer and watching tv and an older guy who usually just drank coffee and then suddenly went on a week’s binge of drinking vodka&soda. He was in the middle of one of these binges and completely wasted, when he suddenly wandered behind the bar and started undressing.

Me: What are you doing?! You can’t be back here. And put your trousers back on!
Patron: -slurring- (Wife’s name), I’m jus’ goin’ t’sleep.
Me: I’m not your wife and you can’t sleep here! You’re not at home! Do you understand? You. Are. Not. At. Home.
Patron: -gives me a blank look, dumps his trousers in a trashcan, and wanders into the kitchen-
Me: You can’t go in there! Get out, right now! If you want to sleep, go home!

I follow him into the kitchen and find him rummaging the fridge. I’ve finally had enough and start yelling.

Me: Out! Get out! Right now! Or I’m calling the police!
Patron: -gives me a shocked look and seems to finally realize where he is, wanders out of the kitchen and stars putting his trousers back on- Can y’call me a cab?
Me: Sure, whatever, if it gets you out of here.
I call the cab, it arrives and takes the patron away… To the next street over where he lives.
None of the other patrons even tried to intervene and I never got an apology, although I doubt he even remembered the whole debacle.