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Unfiltered Story #241010

, , , | Unfiltered | August 3, 2021

(Around mid-August 2017, I lost my full time job. Life went downhill for the next few weeks, which turned into months, and before I knew it, summer was coming back and I’d gone almost a full year without work. I was relying heavily on rent and bill money from my parents. My only source of income was a babysitter agency, and because of my depression, my struggle to be dependable, and overall indifference to kids, I was a pretty bad sitter. Though I applied for benefits and searched for work, I wasn’t getting anywhere, and my shame grew thicker and thicker with every passing day that I couldn’t fend for myself.)

(Below is a crucial text conversation I had with my mom, around seven in the morning on July 1st, 2018. The night before, I’d been fired from the babysitter agency.)

Me: Mom, are you up?

Mom: Yes

Me: I don’t want to talk on the phone. It’s early and I’m at [Sister]’s house. The babysitting thing is over.

Mom: Why?

Me: I feel really numb. It all spiraled out of control last night.

Mom: So sorry.

Me: Well now on top of bills I have a fee to pay ASAP.

(The agency always took a monthly percentage out of sitter earnings. 30% from greenhorns like me who couldn’t even last six months.)

Me: Mom, how can this be so crushing? It’s just money. But I’ve never understood so clearly why people kill themselves over it. Those freak stories about men throwing themselves out windows when the stock market crashed. They feel oddly, darkly real to me right now…ugh, just had to get that out. Please don’t freak out. I care so much about you.

Mom: [My name], start thanking God. He loves you and thinks you’re so special that he died for you. We love you too.

Me: (thinking I scared her) I’m just lying on the couch, texting you. I’m a little teary and overwhelmed, it’s okay.

Mom: God tends to allow us to hit bottom to make us look up and realize we can do nothing without him. That happened to me. I’m praying for you now. Love.

Me: I’m coming down there. I want to ride to church with you this morning.

Mom: Great.

(After a warm, encouraging Sunday morning at church with my family, my life began to turn around. I packed things up and left my apartment for a week to stay at my parents’ place and focus on job searching, and started taking my medication again. I got back on a normal sleep schedule. I sent out several applications per day for a whole week, had one last rejuvenating weekend at my childhood home, and then went back to my apartment.

The next week, results from my surge of applications started pouring in. I had a very promising interview on July 11th. The company called me later that day with the job offer which I immediately accepted. I started work two days later on July 13th, 2018. I LOVE my new job and things have been steadily improving for me since. I feel truly blessed, and I will never forget that text conversation with my mom, when she was there for me at one of my lowest points.

The same day I started work, Unemployment Benefits emailed me their final decision and said I was eligible, granting me about $300 for one week way back in June. Talk about timing.)

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