Unfiltered Story #240641

(Here are some stupid things I’ve heard from customers that didn’t lead to funny conversations per se, but are pretty funny on their own. Note: these weren’t all said by the same customer.)

“How long is a foot-long sub?”

“What kind of meat comes on the vegetarian sub?”

“Don’t go over there, sweetie. That’s where they sell the poor people food.”

“What kind of ham is turkey?”

“What’s that number in between one-half and one-third?”

“No, a half-pound isn’t enough. Better make it a quarter-pound.”

“One of these little sandwiches has come apart. I want the entire platter for free.”

“When I said ‘Colby cheese,’ you were just supposed to know I meant ‘Colby JACK cheese’!”

Customer: “Is this huge bucket of wings only one dollar?!”
Me: “No, look at the sticker. It’s one dollar OFF.”
Customer: “WHAT?! IT SHOULD HAVE SAID SO ON THE STICKER!”

“I’ve been shopping at this store since [20 years before my store opened], back when [long-dead founder of a rival store] was manager!”

“My daughter loves My Little Pony. I’m gonna make her a chicken sandwich and tell her it’s horse meat.”

“I shouldn’t be expected to know how many ounces are in a pound! REAL people don’t have time for that stupid nerd sh**!”

Customer: “I’ll take a pound of [rival store brand] turkey.”
Me: “We don’t carry that brand.”
Customer: *turns on his heel and walks away*

“You don’t use the metric system anymore?! You poor man, Trump has already ruined your country.”

“You can’t be out of fried chicken! God wants me to have fried chicken!”

“Is there any pork or cheese in the cheddar bacon ranch pasta?”

“Could you let me feel that ham?”

Customer: “Can’t you put the chicken in the same box as the fries?”
Me: “No, because the fries are a lower price.”
Customer: “Well, then just give me the chicken for the fry price!”

“Oh my god! I thought all these meats in the window were fake!”

“You don’t have ten kinds of ham, you f**king LIAR! Everyone knows there’s only ONE kind of ham!”

“Is that low-sodium turkey really salty?”

Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”
Customer: “Hang on, I’m catching this Pokemon.”