Unfiltered Story #235477

(I’m at the dealership service counter talking to a male clerk and I’m pissed because of what is happening to my car. Next to me I’m noticing that the skinny old man in an old suit is actually being lewd with the female clerk he’s interacting with. In a lull in my conversation as my clerk turns around to check on some papers, I’m involuntarily listening to what’s he’s saying and he’s laying it thick with the “jokes” and comments. It is physically uncomfortable listening to it and just looking at her trying to do her job, I can tell she’s having it ten times worse. I kind of want to intervene but the problem is that all what he’s saying is targeted at no one. It’s just sexual banter on women and men alike in general but in the most aggravating way possible. So I’m standing there, eyes closed, already pissed at my car situation and trying to cope with him by making late or inadequate mental comebacks to shut him up out of spite and trying to keep myself composed. I’m a big burly guy, but not violent at all.

But out of the blue with no logical prompts to do so, he turns to me, and I shit you not, asks me this.)

Old man : “… and you! Your girlfriend swallows, right?”

(I jerked up and stood still for a moment, wide-eyed, registering what just happened. I then turned around, took a deep breath, puffed my chest, tilted my head back to look smug and was somehow able to, very loudly in a rude and angry manner, said this)

Me : “Well I’m afraid not… my wife offers oil change services at the pump exclusively. And she’d clearly refuse you since the amenity is offered to people with a member–or rather to members only. Now, HAVE A GOOD DAY!” *almost screaming at the end*

(And turned back to face my clerk and exhaled. It fortunately left the man in a silenced stupor. My clerk had come back but went away again to another room and I could hear a stifled laughter as soon as he passed the corner. I noticed most people in the vicinity and showroom had heard and were looking at the old man now. He silently finished his dealings on his side and left while the female clerk was giving me relieved thank you eyes.

In hindsight, I still don’t know how I got the alertness and quick wits to come up with this and be able to speak his language. The inspiration for the car theme in my answer was obviously the dealership, but that’s it. It kinda allowed me to vent though as I could think more clearly about my car problem after that and felt more relaxed.)