Unfiltered Story #235465

(This is about five years ago. I work at a park as a cashier at a drink stand. It is the middle of July, and it is already HOT even though it’s early. We open in about a half hour, but the street running through the park is open to the public at all hours, so folks are already walking their dogs, running, etc. I am setting up my drink stand in the morning when two women walk up to the stand and stare at me for several seconds, smiling. After realizing the “ignore them till they realize we are closed and go away” strategy won’t work, I look up at them.)

Woman 1: Hi! I bet people would all DIE out here if you weren’t here selling water.
Woman 2: *smiles and nods*
Me: Uh…. yes?
Woman 2: *silently, pulls out a bright pink slip of paper that says JESUS LOVES YOU in garish rainbow font*
Me: (not wanting to cause trouble) Well, thanks! I appreciate this!
Woman 1: I noticed a glow about you. You seem like a very peaceful person. Is this true?
Me: ….I guess?
Woman 1: *makes sounds like she is trying to swallow a live snake for a few seconds* Did you understand what I just said?
Me: *confident for the first time during this conversation* No. I did not.
Both women: *eyes light up and they smile and nod at each other emphatically*
Woman 1: What is your name?
Me: [My name]
Woman 1: [My name], do you know Jesus?
Me: Yes, I do! (Actually true, I am a practicing Catholic)
Woman 1: Do you know your Bible, [My name]? [My name], do you remember Acts of the Apostles, when the Holy Spirit came down, and the apostles were without fear? [My name], do you want to be without fear, [My name]? (Not a typo: she repeated my name at every possible opportunity).
Woman 2: *looks on expectantly and smiles at me*

(I just want them to go away, but she does not. Instead, she prays over me, and asks me if I have accepted the Lord as my Savior, which again, I already have, so I say yes in order to keep the peace.)

Woman 1: Now, [My name], I want you to do something you might think is weird, [My name].
Me: …..?
Woman 1: Just say this…. ready? *I nod* “Bub bub bub bub. Don’t worry about it, just say it, [My name]. The only ones that can hear you are us, and the Lord, [My name].”
Me: *dumbfounded that we are actually doing this, but at this point I am genuinely curious to see how this plays out* Okay…. bub……. bub……. bub…..?
Woman 1: *is also making bub sounds, but at some point they transform into that snake sound again* DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING?!
Me: No, I don’t think so.
Woman 1: Okay, let’s try again, my child.

(And we try again. At this point, my curiosity has given way to polite impatience. I need to finish getting my stand set up.)

Woman 1: Did you feel anything that time?!
Me: Yeah, I think so!
Woman 1: REALLY?!?!?!?!?!? (Yes, those punctuation marks are necessary. To say that angels flew out of her eye sockets and carried her straight to heaven is an exaggeration, but only slightly so.)
Me: Well, maybe. I’ll keep working on it.
Woman 1: Good, my child. Good. And then you shall be able to cast out demons. Keep reading your Bible, [My name]. And have a blessed day.
Me: Bye!

(And then they walked away, and I had a normal day, and didn’t even get a chance to cast out one demon.)