Unfiltered Story #234076

I’m a mall employee, and at the time of this story I’m lurking behind the register doing nothing of importance (that I can recall – this story takes place years ago). A man swings into the store and storms up to me.

Man: “YOU HIT MY SON!”
Me: *shocked* “What!?”
Man: “You hit him! You hit my son!”

I’ve never struck a child, though I have intercepted them on the way to sticking their hands into loose candy or quickly closed the lids on open bins they were reaching for. However, the store has been empty of children for a while.

Me: *hesitant* “When did this happen?”
Man: “Two hours ago!”
Me: “You waited TWO HOURS to tell me your son said I hit him!?”
Man: “My wife saw you do it!”
Me: “And in two hours, she didn’t call security or come in herself!?”

The conversation kept on in this vein for a couple of minutes, with the man yelling about the supposed incident and me just getting more confused by his increasingly implausible accusations. Finally, he gives up, though clearly still furious.

Man: “Do you have any kids?”
Me: “No. I’m too young.”
Man: “…OBVIOUSLY.”

He stormed off, and that was the last I heard from or about him. To this day I have no idea what he was trying to accomplish – but I wish I’d been thinking clearly enough to tell him we had security cameras!