Unfiltered Story #231040

, , , | Unfiltered | April 8, 2021

(My coworker and I are manning the deli late one Friday night. My coworker’s wife is shopping at the store and the two of them are chatting when an obviously intoxicated man staggers up, clutching a slushie.)

Drunk guy: “Hey baby! You wanna hang out sometime?”

(He grabs my coworker’s wife’s upper arm and practically falls on top of her.)

Coworker: “The f***?! Get off my wife, you idiot!”

(He shoves the drunk guy, who staggers back but manages to stay standing and keep his grip on the lady’s arm.)

Drunk guy: “Who the f*** are you? F*** off, f*****, I’m doin’ stuff.”

Wife: “You have ten seconds to let go or you’ll be sorry.”

Drunk guy: “C’mon, babe, I’ll show you a good time. This f***** over here can’t give you–”

(She twists her body around, breaking her arm out of the drunk’s grip, continues that motion into a pivot on one foot, raises her other leg and delivers a hard kick to the drunk’s chest. The kick crushes his drink cup against his body, causing the liquid and slush to shoot out of the cup and splatter all over his face and torso. The drunk falls on his butt in a cold, wet heap.)

Drunk guy: “Fuh…fuh…f****** b****!”

(He gets up with a nasty look in his eye but sees both my coworker and his wife assuming martial arts defensive postures. His face just kind of clicks into an “oh crap” expression before he runs away.)

Me: “You want me to call anybody?”

Coworker: “Nah, it’s cool.” (to his wife) “Have I mentioned lately that you rock, honey?”

(I should mention that the two of them teach a women’s self-defense course in their spare time. And “F*** off, f*****, I’m doin’ stuff” became an in-joke in our department for a while.)

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