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23 Weird And Funny Stories About The Strangest Customers Ever

| Right | July 22, 2020

Dear readers,

We have plenty of bad customers on this site, from the entitled to the ignorant. But there exists a sub-set of retail creature prowling the aisles that should not be overlooked: the weird.

These are the customers who believe in every conspiracy theory, think that supernatural forces are stopping them from choosing the perfect carrot, or insist on wearing furry costumes before they can possibly shop. The following 23 stories have been selected from our Twilight Zone of strange and bizarre customers that you’re never going to forget.


Pray She Doesn’t Use Hemorrhoid Cream – Let’s start with a just a taste of the weirdness to come!

Who Is The Dumbest Of Them All – Weird is in the eye of the beholder.

Stupidity Comes In Different Wavelengths – My name is Luna and I’m a lifeguard.

Voodoo Or Do Not, There Is No Jedi – This customer may have forgotten, but we sure won’t.

A Fowl Plot – We’re still convinced it’s evil chickens…

Of Half-Baked Requests And Baked-In Clothes – Better the devil you know than… spicy… wings? Uh…

The Unfantastic Mr. Fox – Don’t they have conventions for this sort of thing?

Pray She Doesn’t Order Steak – The alternative sounds messy… and loud… and feathery.

Howard Hughes Goes Shopping, Part 2 – We want to hear more about the story with the neighbor!

Op-tickle Fibers – Personally, we find that being tickled slows down the work, but okay.

Reincarnavian – There’s talking birds, and then there’s this whole thing.

Vitamin R U O K – My mom always said vitamins were good for you, but now I’m not so sure.

Purell-y Out Of His Mind – Please do not try this at home!

Putting The Spa In Spay – Sure, but you have to be spayed first.

Death Becomes Her – Sad for us, less sad for our savings accounts?

The Custom-fur Is Always Right – Citrus isn’t good for dogs, anyway.

The Aura-oma Of Fresh Coffee – To some people, all coffee tastes like love.

Baaah-laboring The Obvious – We’re not kidding; this customer is really frustrating.

Beware The Jabberwacky – I got nothing. Just read it.

Uncouth Bluetooth – We’re gonna need a bigger butterfly net.

Oh, You Slay Me – Is this one of those things where you say something weird but everyone realizes it’s weird so you pretend you’re joking?

I Put A Spell On You… And You.. And You… – Or you could just call and reserve them.

21st Century Courtship – A not-so-amusing time at the amusement park…


We hope you enjoyed this weird collection of Not Always Right stories! Know any stories we missed? Let us know in the comments! Want to send in your own story? Submit your story here!

Check out more roundups here to see if you’ve missed any!

Question of the Week

What are some stupid customer moments you’ve experienced?

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