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23 Funny Stories About Getting Confused With The Metric System

| Right | July 14, 2020

Dear readers,

The metric system, where measurements are completed in decimal units. And the imperial system, where sixteen ounces in a pound and fourteen pounds in a stone mean that there are… about… eleventy-nine yards in an acrefoot? Or something?

Anyway, here are 23 stories from our archives about other people who had trouble making the conversions to metric.


Being That Stupid Is Quite A Feet – Blankets don’t come in blanket measurements.

A Stupid Call By Any Metric, Part 2 – Not being willing to convert does not make the conversion unnecessary.

The Imperial Left Or The Metric Left – The only left we have here is left feeling confused.

Dumb By Any Metric, Part 2 – The higher the fraction, the lower the IQ.

It Will Be Kilo-Hours Before He Get’s It – 1 centiyear = 3.65 days.

Imperially Correct – Someone ask the Mars Climate Orbiter what it thinks?

Their Metric Knowledge Is Pint-Sized – What kind of monster puts pints and grams in the same recipe?

Sizing Up To Be An Escalated Call – We don’t know what scale they’re looking for but we’re pretty sure it doesn’t exist.

Thor, Loki, and Jane Foster Walk Into A Furniture Store… – Engineers put themselves under too much pressure.

Volumetric Distress – She doesn’t know what a pint is. No one knows what a pint is! – except for beer-drinkers from Europe.

Micro Brains Can Give You Mega Headaches – They probably get very confused with insta-GRAM too…

It Will Be Kilo-Hours Before He Gets It, Part 2 – The heart is in the right place, but the conversion is definitely not.

Dumb By Any Metric, Part 3 – Someone call Fahrenheit 911!

I’m Loving Angles Instead – You’re going to either love this, or hate this, a whole metric pun!

Metric Can Be A Tall Order And Weighty Issue – Attack of the 19ft woman!

You’re Not The Quartermaster – As soon as you start introducing fractions you cause social infractions.

Doesn’t Understand Your Conversion Metric – What do they think cents are?

Stock Is Being Liquidated And Metriculated – Convert or die.

Immeasurable Confusion, Part 2 – Please scale back your plans!

A Very Measured Process – When you have a tape measure and you still get it wrong.

Go MacGuyver Go – He works with computers so he can change the gravitational constant of the universe.

What A Kilo-Moron – How many breadsticks make up a grainyard?

Understanding The Metric – Australians are exempt from chemistry.


We hope you found this collection of stories entertaining at any measure! Know any that we missed? Let us know in the comments! Want to send in your own story? Submit your story here!

Check out more roundups here to see if you’ve missed any!

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