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23 Crazy Stories About Thrift Store Customers, From The Cheapskates To The Morons

| Right | August 17, 2020

Dear readers,

Today is Thrift Shop Day! Whether it’s a charity shop, second-hand store, resale shop, consignment store, or hospice shop, they all provide wonderful value, ethical shopping, and a wide variety of items that are fun to browse. If it’s good enough for Macklemore then it’s good enough for us!

There are those, sadly, who do not see the benefit of the thrift store. Instead, they treat them as dumping grounds for unwanted junk, places they expect they can haggle, or even worse, get stuff for free (remember the charity bit?). Therefore, in honor of Thrift Shop Day, and in solidarity with all our readers who work or have worked in such places, we present for you 23 crazy stories about terrible thrift shop customers.


The Parrot Sketch, Part Two – Making the case for hazard pay, one wackadoodle at a time.

Ouch… Sorry, Fido – If I can’t enjoy animals, no one can!

Caught Red-Handed, Part 3 – Gotta love that instant Karma!

Retort Against Those Who Extort – Time to throw the book(shelf) at this guy.

The Honesty Of The Thievery Pants – Well, that was straightforward enough.

Not Very Personable – We can’t let them know we’re people!

The Book Isn’t Shady Enough – Oh, dang! What a deal!

Scanning Ahead – This transaction was not a smashing success.

Sold A Game, Bought A Life-Lesson – A story with a happy ending! We’re shocked, too.

Given Short Shrift At The Thrift – Why is “I don’t work here” so hard for people to grasp?

A Window To My Problems – You said it, but how was I supposed to know it?

Getting Belongings Where You Don’t Belong – Maybe they should invest in some lockers.

Taking A Hardline On The Hardback – Fifty shades of not appropriate for children.

If I Had A Dollar For Every Lie – So much for building trust…

Jesus Entitles You To Nothing – If only Jesus had preached about stamp cards.

Not Even A Charitable Excuse – Gee, it almost sounds like you’re just an a**hole!

Bagged Herself A Steal – Man, if you’re gonna be a thief, go big!

I’m Not Volunteering Any Felony Information – All teenagers are liars and delinquents, duh.

Couldn’t Catch The Price Match – A customer this self-aware is as rare as the dollhouse she wants to buy.

It’s A Hard Back Life For Us – This guy is a total harda** about hardbacks.

Gibberish In Neutral Becomes Nonsense In Reverse – Her furniture is probably full of bad energy anyway.

Caller On Line Number One – You can hold your pee for a good deal!

Don’t Lose Your Shirt Over It – At least in his anger, he did not rend his garment. Or the store’s.

Schrödinger’s Mall: Full Of Customers And Empty At The Same Time – When you want to complain, to heck with logic!


We hope you enjoyed this thrift-shop-themed roundup! Let us know in the comments if there were any stories we were too lazy to include! Want to send in your own story? Submit your story here!

Check out more roundups here to see if you’ve missed any!

Question of the Week

What is the absolute most stupid thing you’ve heard a customer say?

I have a story to share!