21 Ways To Keep The Romance Alive During The Zombie Apocalypse

| | Romantic | February 15, 2016
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The following are all actual answers to the question proposed by a significant other: “what would you do if I was bitten during the zombie apocalypse?” These 20 examples show there is no shortage of creative answers!


Answer #1:

Girlfriend: “Baby, if I was bit by a zombie, would you kill me after I was bit, or after I had died?”

Me: *misspeaking* “Baby, I love you so much, I would kill you before you got bit.”

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Answer #2:

Me: “Would you jump in front of a zombie to save me?”

(Contemplative silence.)

Me: “Would you throw me in front of a zombie?”

Boyfriend: “Yep. Well you’re going to die anyway. It would speed up the process.”

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Answer #3:

Boyfriend: “Babe, if I got turned, would you kill me?”

Me: “Yes. Immediately. I wouldn’t wait for you to change.”

Boyfriend: “Good. I’d kill you too. I love how smart you are.”

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Answer #4:

Me: “So, would you shoot me if we were cornered by zombies with no hope of escape?”

Fiancé “No. I’d use you as a shield.”

Me: “WHAT?!”

Fiancé “Hey, you’re going to die anyway. But don’t worry, I’d shoot you after you got bitten.”

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Answer #5:

Girlfriend: “Would you kill your husband of 10 years?”

Me: “Hell, yes I would!”

Girlfriend:: “But, but you love him!

Me: “Of course I love him, but he’s going to be a brainless zombie. It’s not like I can be all ‘Oh, let’s both be zombies together’, and rot and frolic in fields, and have brain picnics.”

Girlfriend:: “Well, when you say it like that, you make me sound ridiculous!”

Husband: “But I like picnics…”

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Answer #6:

Me: “I freaking hate zombies!”

Girlfriend: “Me too!”

Me: “If I saw someone chewing on another person, I’d run like crazy!”

Girlfriend: “Imagine if we’d got bitten.”

Me: “I’d kill you right there and then!”

Girlfriend: “Aw, thank you! I’d kill you too!”

Me: “Seriously. If you even see someone ‘om-noming’ on me, just shoot first and ask later.”

Girlfriend: “Deal! How about haunted houses?”

Me: “Oh, screw that. I’d never make it.”

Girlfriend: “Me neither. Let’s just off each other in that case too.”

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Answer #7:

Me: “I’d feel safe with you in a zombie apocalypse. You’d keep me alive far longer than I would be able to on my own.”

Boyfriend: “You’d have your uses.”

Me: “I would? Cool! How would I help?”

Boyfriend: “If I was able to keep you alive long enough, and food was scarce, then I could eat you to keep myself going.”

Me: “Whoa! You’d turn to cannibalism? That’s so mean! You should want to protect me above anything else!”

Boyfriend: “You should want to keep me alive. It’s what a good girlfriend would want. You’d be nurturing a champion! I could survive this thing!”

Me: “You’re an a**. I kind of hate you right now.”

Boyfriend: “You don’t have to like me. You just have to be delicious.”

Original Story


Answer #8:

Me: “Hey, if I got bitten by a zombie, would you still love me?”

Husband: “Yes?”

Me: “Would you shoot me?”

Husband: “That depends. What do you think I should do?”

Me: “Wait, no. If you were a zombie first and I wasn’t, you should bite me so we can be zombies together forever! We could easily make it to our 100th anniversary!”

Husband: “But you know what we have to do first? Wear our wedding clothes. What could be more awesome than zombie bride and groom?”

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Answer #9:

Me: “Hey babe, what would you do if I got bitten by a zombie?”

Boyfriend: “I would have to kill you. I would break the one rule though.”

Me: “What rule is that?”

Boyfriend: “I would wait until you change to kill you. I would want to spend as much time as I could with the actual you before killing zombie you.”

Me: “Aww, that’s actually really sweet!” *stares at his head deliciously* “I wonder if your brain is just as sweet as you are…”

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Answer #10:

Me: “Babe, if there’s a zombie apocalypse and I get turned, would you kill me?”

Boyfriend: “Nah, I’d pull a ‘Michonne’ so I could keep you with me. You’d be protecting me then.”

Me: *hugs him tight* “This is why I love you! I had the same plan!”

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Answer #11:

Me: “Babe, if I got bit by a zombie, what would you do?”

Husband: “I’d let you bite me so I could always be with you.”

Me: “Aw, really?”

Husband: “H*** no! I don’t wanna be a zombie!”

(I laugh.)

Husband: “And let’s face it. If there’s a zombie apocalypse, you’re getting bit.”

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Answer #12:

Me: “What would you do if I became a zombie?”

Husband: “I would kill you: no questions.”

(I am amazed and horrified he has such a quick answer.)

Husband: “You’re a really slow runner, and you would end up killing me!”

Me: “So you wouldn’t even keep me as a pet? Remove my jaw and arms, and feed me every now and then?”

Husband: “Well, maybe. If I turned into a zombie first, then I would eat you and we can terrorize everyone in slow motion for the rest of our lives.”

Me: “So… either way you will kill me?”

Husband: “Yep!” *big grin, kisses me and bounces away*

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Answer #13:

Me: “Random question: What would you do if there is a zombie apocalypse and I got bit?”

Boyfriend: “I would let you bite me.”

Me: “Really?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah. I think it can cause distance in our relationship if only one of us is enjoying eating people.”

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Answer #14:

Wife: “So, if I was turned into a zombie what would you do?”

Me: “It’s not a valid scenario.”

Wife: “What? What do you mean? I could be a zombie.”

Me: “You’re a better shot than me, a black-belt, and are live-at-home so you are always close to our arsenal. I’m a chubby gamer with a bad back who works in a hospital, which, let’s face it, is going to be zombie city. I can think of no realistic scenario where you’re a zombie before I am.”

Wife: “Well, you’re no fun. Just gotta ruin it with logic, don’t you?”

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Answer #15:

Me: “Hun, if I got bitten by a zombie what would you do?”

Boyfriend: “That depends; are you a rotting pile of flesh, or like a virus goes-crazy-but-is-still-alive kind?”

Me: “Let’s go with the virus.”

Boyfriend: “Then I would tie you to my bed and muzzle you, so that you can’t hurt me, and I can cuddle you every night and still love you.”

Me: “Aww. When you said tie me to your bed, I totally thought you were going somewhere else with that.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah…”

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Answer #16:

Me: “What would you do if I were bitten by a zombie?”

Boyfriend: *without missing a beat* “Become a necrophiliac.”

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Answer #17:

Me: “If there were a zombie apocalypse, and I got bitten, would you—”

Boyfriend: *zero hesitation* “I would kill you. I would kill you good.”

Me: *hurt at his enthusiasm* “Oh.”

Boyfriend: “Just to stop you moaning and shuffling around the house. You do that too much anyway…”

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Answer #18:

Me: “What would you do if I was turned into a zombie?”

Boyfriend: “Well, I’d be really sad… but in all actuality, probably double tap.”

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Answer #19:

Me: “If there was a zombie apocalypse and I got bitten, what would you do?”

Boyfriend: “I’d grab my pimp stick and bash your head in.”

Me: “…Right answer.”

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Answer #20:

Husband: “If you got bit by a zombie or turned into one, I wouldn’t be able to shoot you.”

Me: “Aw!”

Husband: “I’d find somebody else to do it.”

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Answer #21:

Me: “If I got bitten by a zombie and was about to change, what would—”

Boyfriend: *with his eyes on the TV* “Shoot you in the face.”

Me: “…What?”

Boyfriend: “Shoot you—” *he turns to me and leans very close into my face, while whispering* “—in the face.”

(He stares at me in silence for 30 seconds before turning back to the TV and his meal.)

Original Story


brraaiiiinsss… must … share … grararwrrrrr …


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