Unfiltered Story #209686

The phone rings in reference and, lucky me, I get the call.

Me: XYZ Library, How may I help you?

Female Patron (Screaming into the phone) I NEED TO TALK TO A LIE-BERRIAN.

Me: I am a librarian ma’am.

Patron: THERE’S NO LIE-BERRIANS?

Me: You are speaking to a librarian, ma’am. I am a librarian.

Patron: BUT I WANT TO TALK TO A LIE-BERRIAN!

Me: (Raising my voice): You ARE speaking to a librarian ma’am.

Patron: ARE YOU A LIE-BERRIAN?

Me: YEs. I AM a librarian. How can I help?

I was already feeling the strange vibes going off from the caller, but persisted.

Patron: I NEED YOU TO LOOK UP ABC AVENUE!!!! In (My Town).

After going back and forth with her screaming the name of the street at me and me repeating it and her telling me she wants (same name I just repeated) I googled it.

Me: Ma’am are you talking about ABC Street in (Town Two Towns Over).

Patron: YES. IS IT A TWO FAMILY OR A SINGLE FAMILY?

Me: It appears to be part of a five unit condominium.

Patron: HOW MUCH DO THEY WANT FOR IT?

Me: There are five units and none of them is for sale.

Patron: BUT HOW MUCH ARE THEY ASKING???

Me: They aren’t asking anything, ma’am. The condos are all sold.

Patron: I WANT TO BUY IT.

Me: Ma’am, I am looking through the records in Zillow. All the units are sold.

Patron: FOR HOW MUCH?

I quote her the amount for which the last unit was sold. We went around on this several more times, with her demanding the name of the owner so she could call and make them sell her the condo. Finally, she asked what site I was using for my information. She would look it up on HER computer and get the owner’s name. It took another five minutes for me to spell “zillow” for her as after I would say “Z as in zoo” she would repeat “V AS IN VICTOR.” I wish her much luck.

When I got off the phone my coworker and all the patrons were laughing since they could hear her half of the conversation as well as my own.