Unfiltered Story #209622

(This phone has been having some issues lately, giving an annoying buzzing sound whenever my mic isn’t muted, so whenever I’m not talking I generally mute it, to spare my poor ears. I let people know this when they call, but some people apparently think the mute goes both ways)
Caller: Hi, I’m having [issue #1] with [device].
Me: Okay, so does it react when you do [this]?
Caller: Yeah
Me: Okay! Sounds like its more of a [issue #2] problem then.
Caller: Yeah, like I said, its [issue #1]
Me: (In my legitimately nicest and most friendly tone) We actually use that term for when the [device] is doing [that], If you say [issue #2] though we’ll know you’re talking about [this]. Just give me a few minutes to connect and we’ll get this figured out for you.
(Mute)
Caller: (to another employee) Can you believe this sh*t? F*cking talking about [issue #2], I told them [issue #1] last time and they were able to fix it! Like, just fix my machine!!
(She continues in this vein for a bit while I sit flabbergasted on mute, finally, having rehearsed my rebuttal I take my phone off mute)
Me: (in my fakest nice tone) Well actually, ma’am, I just brought that up to clarify and let you know the terminology we use so that you can communicate to us more easily what the problem is next time.
Caller: …
Me: Now then, if I could have you just [troubleshooting steps]
Caller: Oh, uh, I… hang on
(She puts me on hold and a moment later someone else picks up)
Caller 2: Um, hello?
Me: Hi, uh, I was just talking to [caller], she didn’t say she was going to transfer me… can you troubleshoot with me?
(We both laughed, the troubleshooting was done, the machine was fixed, and I so hope that was one of my randomly recorded calls)