Unfiltered Story #205763

So I used to run a pub a few years ago, and I used to hear the same questions over and over again, so I came up with some standard replies:

Customer: (walks in and comes to the bar which is filled with beer taps): Do you sell beer?

Me: No, sorry, these pumps are full of water only

Customer: OK (Walks out)

2:

Customer walks in, reads the daily special and sees me walking a meal out to someone: Do you serve food here?

Me: Nope, sorry, this is all plastic food for decoration only

Customer: OK then, can I get a pint of [Beer]

And finally, the best/funniest complaint I have ever received:

Customer: Can I get a glass of [Popular Fizzy Soft Drink]?

Me: Of course you can, would you like ice?

Customer: No thanks

Me: (Pours Drink): Here you go!

Customer: (takes sip) Are you being funny? This drink is too cold and too fizzy! Screw you! (Throws drink on the floor and walks out)

Me: What the… [popular fizzy drink] is supposed to be fizzy and cold…

Oh the life of a bar manager…