Unfiltered Story #201296

(I have worked at a popular chain fabric store for two years while I’m finishing up my schooling. We have a large cast of regular customers. Some are pleasant and always want our advice and opinions on their projects. Some are absolutely nightmarish and always need our advice and opinions on our projects. But there’s one terrible customer that stands out to me. We call her the “Ashton Kutcher customer.” This is why.)
Me: Hi. What can I get for you today?
Customer: I’m making a skirt. I need to line it. How much fabric do I need?
Me: Well, since a lining is the same size as the skirt, you’ll just need the same amount of fabric you purchased for the skirt.
Customer: Noooooooo because don’t I need to cut it on the bias?
(the bias of a fabric is the grain of the thread at a 45 degree angle)
Me: I never do, but if you’d rather cut it on the bias, then I would probably recommend getting [amount] yards.
Customer: Nooooooo because that seems like too much.
Me: Well cutting on the bias takes more fabric so you’d need to buy a lot more fabric. I also recommend getting more in case you mess up.
Customer: So how much should I get?
Me: Well do you want to cut on the bias or not?
Customer: Well don’t I have to cut on the bias?
Me: Again, no. That’s personal preference.
(Customer hands me her pattern)
Customer: How much should I get?
(I study the pattern.)
Me: Well if your making this skirt, you’d probably need [amount] yards.
Customer: Noooooo. That’s not enough to cut on the bias.
Me: Well as I said before, if you want to cut on the bias, you probably need [amount] yards.
Customer: Nooooooo…
(We continued in this fashion for 45 minutes. At this point I am drained of all life, and energy)
Me: Okay, Ma’am. How much fabric would you like me to cut for you?
Customer: Better give me [original amount I suggested]
(I quickly cut her fabric and send her on her way to the register to pay. I lean against the counter, exhausted. My coworker, who fortunately had been cutting for other customers and had completely cleared the line while I was working with my single customer, comes up to me and just stares after the Ashton Kutcher Customer, before looking around the area.
Coworker: Am I being Punked? Ashton Kutcher is that you?
(For those of you who don’t know, Ashton Kutcher used to host a tv prank show called Punked.)
(This became a running joke between my coworker and I. Many customers over time made us stop and say “Am I being Punked? Ashton Kutcher is that you?” but there will always be only one Ashton Kutcher customer. Every time she comes in its the same.)