Unfiltered Story #200711

(For a bit of extra cash I was occasionally asked to look after a small shop belonging to a friend, selling novelty items and party costumes, a large group of well dressed French teenagers enters the shop and all are chatting excitedly, as it happens I speak conversational French having lived and worked overseas for a little while, so I’m quietly shocked to hear what I hear:)

Teen #1: *holding a plushy* ” This time I will steal this. Pascal, what are you going to steal here!?”

Teen #2: *whispering loudly* “I will steal that thing over there, I already stole one of those from the previous place.”

Teen #3: “It’s ok Jean, there is no need to whisper, he is a stupid ignorant Englishman, he understands nothing that we say, this time you distract him so that we can all steal again!”

Teen #4: “Yes! Don’t worry, they understand nothing, he is a stupid ugly idiot, hahaha! See!? We can say and do anything we wish here, they all know nothing! England is s***! The Queen is a dirty wh***! Hahaha!”

(They all laugh at their funny jokes, I’m of course stunned and wondering how to handle this alone, when it’s at this point a similarly dressed adult walks into the shop, and the teens all suddenly stop talking.)

Adult speaking French: “Now, what are you all doing in here my little children?”

Me speaking French: “Well, let me see, Pascal was just saying to his friend here how he was going to steal that toy that he has in his pocket, and Jean said he would distract me so all the others could steal something too, which they say they’ve been doing in all the other shops around here! Apparently all of us stupid ignorant English people don’t speak French, and therefore we deserve to have all our goods stolen by visiting French teenagers proudly bragging about their crimes in front of us, calling us nasty names, oh yes, and they insulted the Queen too, called her a dirty wh*** actually, just now, just before you arrived. Did I get all that right, my little children?”

The adult who was in charge of this party of visiting French shoplifters gasped and went very red and wide eyed, as did all the teenagers. The pocket was checked, the toy and many other varied merchandise from other shops was duly discovered hidden in various pockets and satchels, they’d practically stolen half the city! There was much sincere apologising by the adult, who was then joined by the other adults in charge as they caught up to the group, and after much astonishment and more apologising as each had the situation explained to them, a lot of very wide eyed and worried looking crying teenagers got marched off to return a lot of stolen goods and, I imagine, get into an awful lot of trouble!