Unfiltered Story #192194

I was with my father and my little brother in a well-known shopping chain and on my own in the sweets aisle, getting something for me and my brother to share. I am nine years old, in Year Four, but am often mistaken by people to be about five due to my short stature and slightly babyish face.
Woman: Oh, hello dear! What’s your name?
Me: *trying to be polite like my parents taught me* My name is Claudia, ma’am.
Woman: Well, it is very nice to meet you, Claudia! How old are you? Five? Maybe nearly six? Nearly a big girl? How are you liking big school?
Me: … I’m nine, ma’am.
Woman: What? Don’t lie to me, Jesus does not take those who lie to heaven with Him!
Me: No ma’am, I am nine years old.
Woman: You cannot be nine. You are too small. Do not lie to me! I am a respectable woman, high in the church! Jesus is telling me that you are a liar and that you will be punished!
Me: Well Jesus is wrong, ma’am.
I can honestly say I have never seen shock like it on anyone’s face. My little brother came wandering round the corner, at this time aged six, and often mistaken for my twin.
Woman: Ah, are you Claudia’s twin brother?
Brother: No. I am six and she is nine. She is a lot bigger than me.
Woman: You have even tainted your twin! You have told him to lie just to disrespect God-fearing people such as I!
She stormed off after that. Six years later we meet in the same shop by complete coincidence, only a few days before my 15th birthday. I am alone, but my father is in the next aisle finding me a birthday badge. Being a teenager, I am a lot less patient and more sarcastic.
Woman: Oh look, you’re the twin who lied about her age! How are you, my dear? Have you accepted God into your heart yet? Have you started your big secondary school yet?
Everything about our last confrontation comes flooding back, and my sarcastic fighting mode comes back with a vengeance.
Me: No, ma’am, and I am Year Ten now.
Woman: Still LYING, I see! Still rebelling the Lord! He will not take you into His heart if you lie! You need God! You need to fear God to wipe the black from your soul!
Me: With all due respect ma’am, (i.e. very little by this point because I am a sarcastic little s***) it is my 15th birthday next week, and it is not my problem if you are a delusional happy clapper. Now please leave me alone.
At this point my dad comes round the corner brandishing a 15 badge and asking if “This one is okay”.
Woman: Your daughter is a liar and very disrespectful! She needs God!!
Dad: Yes, I heard the entire conversation and I’m shocked she stayed patient for that long. Now is this birthday badge okay, or there’s this one…
I sww her later marching around the store clutching the bible she summoned from her purse when she told my father I needed God, and I haven’t seen her since.