Unfiltered Story #18642

Germany | Unfiltered | May 5, 2017

not sure if i should post it here or on notalwayshopeless, since i’m not sure if i really made his day or not, and i don’t want to boast about myself, but here it is:

(I was sitting at home alone when the phone rings.
*note: i am a stundent currently living with my parents and low on cash, obviously)

me: [my last name] here, hello?

caller, rather reluctantly and with an italian accent:
yes, is this mr. [my last name)?

me, thinking he might refer to my father: depends. which one?

caller: the one living in [my street name but pronounced weirdly]?

me, thinking “oh, just another telemarketer: yes, it is.

(i’ve known of the notalways-sites for quite some time and as such know how frustrating a telemarketer job can be, and i figured, if i play along with his spiel a bit, it wouldn’t hurt)

caller: do you like italian cuisine?

me: a bit. the occasional pizza and pasta from time to time
(i looked at the oven where i heated a frozen pizza)

caller: we’re an old company located in [landscape] of italy. we’ve been producing all natural and healthy italian cuisine for many generations.
(he then goes into a long spiel of how the various ingrediends are handmade and how healthy all this italian food is)

caller: do you use olive oil?

me: personally not that much, i tend to use coconut fat to fry stuff.
(it’s a bit cheaper than a whole bottle of olive oil somehow, at least in the convenience store closest to me, and my mother has always some of it around, because “it’s tropical”)

caller: (goes into another long spiel about how “italian olives are plucked by hand before they fall to the ground, at which point i start to wonder how long this is going to be, and how annoying for that guy it must be to be reciting that long script over and over again.
at this point i start questioning the marketing department of his company for making such a long script.
after roughly 2 minutes, however, he starts asking more things, like:)

caller: have you ever tasted honey cookies?

me: no, but honey wine, mead, if that rings a bell, heh

caller: no, i haven’t heard of that one, but it sounds interesting. anyways (goes into another long spiel about italian honey, which i also calmly listen to while pitying the caller.
at some point, he comes to the actual deal:)

caller: our offer is the following: for just [price] we can send you a package with a sample fo all those things to you, and [explains “baity” cancel policy, basically you can refund after receiving the package]

me: while this does sound interesting, i am a college studend. i don’t have that much money to spend.

caller: but it is healthy! surely you can spend that bit on some food which is good for you.

me: but-
caller: [goes on spiel on how healthy his food is]

me: the spanish cuisine is also healthy. paella for example, [i proceed to tell him ways of preparing traditional spanish cuisine, as i know rather much about it]

caller: ah, nah, spanish cuisine. i’ve been all over europe, even asia, and i tried the cuisine everywhere! it’s all good, but nothign is as good and healthy as the italian cuisine.
(i must admit, his dedication surely grew after his script endet)
caller: we here in italy even have tons of food! i’d like to invite you here, and you can get all the food you want, and for free! all italian, of course. [goes into a long spiel on how money is just “paper with colour on it” and how saving money is bad] . all locally made and prepared, and you can even get a sample for just [price] shipped directly at your home.

me: if you in italy are giving away food for free, why are you asking for money on these packages anyway?

caller: because you’re wealthy and you can afford it. [insert another long rant about how i should be able to pay it and use his offer]

me, in a slightly joking tone: i really can’t afford it. and if you’re giving it for free to those in need, why aren’t you shipping it to homeless people?

caller: yadda yadda. you should take our offer! and you should definitely visit us!
(gotta say, his dedication surely grew during the conversation, but i think he enjoys our conversation a bit, because his tone has become more livelier during the conversation, from unsure and monotonous during the start, to full of energy at the end)
caller: if you come to italy to us, you could even bring your girlfriend along, and enjoy some of our wine.

me: haha, thanks for the offer, but sadly i’m lacking in the girlfriend part.

caller: come here to italy and you’ll find a girlfriend for sure!

me: that sounds like a great offer, sadly i have to hang up now, as i still have stuff to do. it was nice talking to you.
(that wasn’t a lie: we’ve been talking for almost more than 20 minutes now, and i had to get my pizza out of the oven and do some housework, as it is already evening and i wanted to learn the next day for my exams, which i also told him.)

caller: well, it was nice talking to you too. have a good evening and make sure to come visit us [brand] in italy!

me: if i get the opportunity, i’ll gladly do so. until then, bye!

caller: bye [hangs up]

(during this conversation, i always kept in mind that on the other line on the phone sits a human being whose job it is to call random people all day long and tell them the same thing over and over again, and judging by the length of his script, i could only imagine how many times he’s been yelled at or just been hung up on. i hope that my conversation with him at least lifted his spirits a little, and that he soon finds a better job.)

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