Unfiltered Story #134579

(My sister owns a bakery. I sometimes help out every now and again while I’m not working, usually with finances (I’m an accountant). Whenever I do, she makes us a batch of whatever the special of the day is for me to take home to my family. On this particular day I have had to park away from the building so leave the goods inside while I drive around. I quickly run in and grab them. She’s is serving someone and just quickly nods at me as I turn. I’m about half way to the door when I am rugby tackled to the ground. The doughnuts fly everywhere and an American tourist tries, unsuccessfully, to put me in a choke hold while screaming.)

Tourist: “Ma’am, ma’am! This degenerate was attempting to steal from you. Call the cops!”

(The tourists children are cheering him on while his wife stands over me, threatening to slap me. My sister whistles to get everyone’s attention.)

Sister: Ok, A: I am indeed “calling the cops”, because you have just assaulted someone in my shop.

Tourist: But ma’am-

Sister: B: The “degenerate” you are assaulting in my brother! And C: You are paying for those doughnuts that I GAVE my brother, free of charge!

Wife: But, but, why should we pay if they were free!

Sister: Because he worked for those, while you ruined them. You’re paying for the materials I’ll have to use to make them again.

The tourist lets me go and stands rather sheepishly in the corner while my sister phones the police. His wife is going ballistic over having to pay £12. When the police arrive, everything is recounted and I agree not to press charges. The tourist does agree to pay for a new batch, more as a way of apology, despite his wife’s protests.

Me sister brought us the new batch after she finished work, and we agreed that in future I’ll just use the back door to avoid it happening again.