Wish You Could Build Your Own Pillow Fortress Of Solitude

, , , , | Right | January 8, 2019

(It is right at the end of my shift as manager on duty at a hotel. It’s been a night that I could tell a lot of stories about, but I’ll just settle for the absolute most ridiculous complaint I’ve ever fielded. My front desk agent comes to the back to get me.)

Agent: “[My Name]? There’s a lady at the front desk who wants to talk to you about our ‘Do Not Disturb’ signs.”

Me: “Okay. Was she missing hers?”

Agent: “No… Seriously, you’ll have to talk to her. She’s freaking crazy.”

(I go out to find a woman standing at the front desk with a DND sign in her hand, with a couple of friends. It’s worth noting that some of our DNDs have cutesy sayings on them just to break up the monotony of “do not disturb.”)

Me: “Hello! What can I help you with tonight?”

Guest: “Well, I just wanted to tell you that THIS—“ *holds up a DND reading “Busy Constructing a Pillow Fort”* “—is just unacceptable!”

Me: *assuming she thinks it’s too unserious* “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am. I—“

Guest: “I showed this to my friends and we all agree — a pillow fort means an erection, and that is just so inappropriate!”

(She rambles on for a while about this, which is good because I need a moment to process what I just heard.)

Me: *when she finally stops for breath* “Ma’am, I assure you it’s not meant to be anything like that. It’s… you know… like when little kids stack pillows to make a little cave…”

Guest: “Well, no kids should be putting out Do Not Disturb signs!”

Me: “No… but their parents are…”

Guest: “Well, I want you to inform your corporate office about this! It’s just vulgar!”

Me: “Um… I’ll do that, ma’am. I can provide you with a different sign if you’d like.”

Guest: “Oh, this isn’t mine. My friend saw it on a door and took it to ask us what it meant.”

Me: “Wait. You took a do not disturb sign off of another guest’s door?!”

Guest: “Yes.”

(This is bad; we take DNDs very seriously and it’s a real issue if a guest who didn’t want to be bothered gets walked in on by housekeeping.)

Me: “What room is it from?!”

Guest: “I don’t know! It shouldn’t be up, anyway!”

(She then handed me the sign and left. So, now, I get two angry guests for the price of one, just because this woman couldn’t take responsibility for her own dirty mind!)

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