Unfiltered Story #124544

(This is a call center for a cable company.  To this day people still can’t believe I had this exchange with a customer)

Me:  Welcome to [cable company], my name…

(customer interrupts me)

Man:  Yeah yeah yeah, shut up!  The service I have been getting from you people is horrendous.  Yesterday I bought a house and I KNOW the wire going from the pole to that house is carrying your cable signal.  I need you to send someone over to snap that wire off now!

Me:  I’m sorry but we can only send technicians to addresses on file that are receiving service from us.

Man:  Umm, did you hear me when I told you that the pole is carrying your cable signal?

Me:  Yes I did.  Please be advised that signals from other companies are also going through that wire too.  If you’re concerned about being charged for service from us at that location, that won’t happen as you need our equipment for that to happen and you need to be signed up to our service.

Man:  I don’t give a f***!  Just do what I told you!  Or else I will climb up that pole and disconnect the wire myself!!

Me:  Sir, I would strongly advise you not to do that.

Man:  And why’s that?!!

Me:  Well, for one thing you run the risk of falling from the pole as well as electrocuting yourself.  Also, you run the risk of cutting off power and service to the folks in your area.

Man:  I don’t care, that’s not my problem!!

Me:  Actually it is your problem!

Man:  …Excuse me?!?

Me:  Please be advised that these phone calls are being monitored and recorded.  We have you on record threatening to cut a wire from a pole.  That’s a criminal offense which means we have to flag this account and notify the authorities of a potential crime.  They will have access to your name, your address, and your phone number.  Are you sure that’s a risk you’re willing to take?

Man:  (long pause, then a loud groan)…YOU PEOPLE HAVE AN ANSWER TO EVERYTHING!!! (hangs up).

(when I checked back on the account records, I found out the customer called back to cancel his services.  His account was never reported to the police).