Unfiltered Story #115933

, | Unfiltered | July 4, 2018

(Me and my husband are in a restaurant together on Valentine’s day, and a woman has been staring at us holding hands and kissing for about 45 minutes now.)

Waiter: *walks to the woman’s table* “Ma’am, what would you like to eat?”

Lady: *points at my husband* “A big hunk of that.”

Me: “Ma’am, my husband is not on the menu.”

(The lady looks at me with disgust.)

Lady: “This is NOT your conversation.” *turns to the waiter* “I’ll have a cheese-steak with a big hunk of that guy.” *Motions at my husband yet again.*

Waiter: “Ma’am, neither of those items are on the list.”

(The lady dramatically sighs)

Lady: “IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO GIVE ME WHAT I WANT THEN WHY ARE YOU A WAITER?!”

Waiter: *Stands in shock*

(I look at my husband and see his surgical scar that is across his face. I just realize that she has only been seeing the back of his head.)

Me: *as the woman is still yelling at the waiter* “Ma’am! If you want a hunk of him, take a hunk.” *My husband turns around and her face suggested she didn’t like that hunk.*

My husband: “Ma’am, I realize I am HOT, *dramatically runs fingers through hair*, but if my wife and this man had to tell you I’m not on the menu multiple times, I wouldn’t want to be near you, one because I am married, and two, a deaf man could listen more than you can. You have stared at us kissing for 45 minutes now, and not once have you realized I am taken?!”

Lady: “Ugh, oh my god, you are so dumb. I have a husband, it’s fine if I take a hunk of you. But that ugly slash across your face indicates you are ROTTEN.”

(The waiter was standing there watching them argue until he butts in.)

Waiter: “Ma’am, would you ever want a scar like that?”

Lady: “OH god no! That looks hideous!”

Waiter: “Well, ma’am, unfortunately, you are about as hideous as a blob fish, even with your layers of makeup.”

The lady gets super mad at this point, and grabs a knife off the table and starts to thrust it at the waiter. I have worked in the military before, so I jump over the seat and grab her arm, making the knife turn around and slash her own face.)

Waiter: “Ma’am, you are kicked out.” *looking at the lady*

Lady: *slams her fist down* “SHE SHOULD BE KICKED OUT! SHE CUT ME!”

Waiter: “THAT”S BECAUSE YOU TRIED TO STAB ME!”

(They had police escort her out, and I really hope that cut gave her a “hideous” scar.)

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