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11 Maddening Stories About Massages!

| Right | July 19, 2021

Dear readers,

We’re back at it again with another weird “holiday”. This week, it’s Everybody Deserves A Massage Week! No, we’re not making that up; in fact, this week was established by the Associated Bodywork & Massage Professionals, the largest massage therapy membership organization in the USA, twenty-six years ago!

A massage is usually a soothing experience that leaves you feeling loose and relaxed and pampered. But we actually take issue with the name of this holiday; anyone who’s worked with any kind of customer knows that everyone certainly does not deserve a massage. To prove our point, here are 11 stories from our archives about massages that were way more stressful than anyone expected!


A Touch Too Much Inappropriate Behavior – I’d stick a picture of her on the wall of shame. Gross.

We’ll Stretch Your Muscles And Offend You At The Same Time – Hits from the comments: “Send him to a misogynistic masochistic massagenist; that should fix him right up.”

Not Even Going To Try To Massage The Truth – This kind of person rubs me the wrong way.

They’re Just One Massage Away From A Meltdown – “Stop trying to make me happy!” Okay. In that case, get out.

Neither Gratis Nor Grateful – If this is too complicated for you, I don’t know what to tell you.

Scalp First, Ask Questions Later – I don’t know what the legal definition of assault is, but…

They’re Massaging The Truth – Hits from the comments: “These are people that don’t realize how easily I could push a massage table over if I wanted to.”

They Need A Brain Massage – Just because you misunderstood, that doesn’t mean you get to be a jerk!

Massaging The Truth – Note to self: never arm wrestle with a massage therapist.

This Is Neck-Breaking Work – Cool. Now that’s all I’ll think about next time I get a massage.

Massaging The Truth To Make Them Happy – Maybe you should stay home and let your cat walk on you or something.


We hope you enjoyed this Massage-themed roundup! Want to send in your own story? Submit your story here!

Some other roundups to check out if you liked this one:

10 Relatable Stories About Housework And How To Avoid It


10 Customers Who Lied About Their Health To Get Ahead

Question of the Week

Tell us about the rudest customer you’ve ever met.

I have a story to share!