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    You’ve Got A Bad Doodad

    | Kansas City, MO, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [security company]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, my keypad keeps beeping! It won’t stop. Why is it doing that?!”

    Me: “It’s probably trying to tell you there’s something going on with the system. Press the status button for me.”

    (The caller pushes the button, and it announces the issue. Her front door has a low battery in it.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am. It appears that your front door has a low battery.”

    Caller: “But what does that mean?! I don’t understand!”

    Me: “It means that the battery in the sensor on your door needs a new battery in it.”

    Caller: “I don’t get it. I’m not that technically inclined! You need to explain things better!”

    (This goes on for several minutes. I explain what the sensor is, what the problem is, and describe the battery. The customer is continually saying she doesn’t understand what I’m talking about. Finally we reach an understanding.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you see the little thingy that’s stuck on your door? Inside is a little doo-dad that they sell at the store, and you need a new one. Open up the thingy and take out the doo-dad. Go to the store, give it to the clerk and he’ll get you a new doo-dad to put in the thingy.”

    Caller: “Oh! Why didn’t you just say so?”