Early Morning Roommate Homeless Man Adventure

(My boyfriend has issues staying asleep, and this morning is no different. He gets up at 4 am, and proceeds to wander around. At around 5.30 am, he shakes me awake.)

Boyfriend: “Honey! Is [roommate] in the bathroom?”

Me: “I don’t know! Why are you waking me up this early?”

Boyfriend: “I think she’s asleep on the toilet… can you wake her up? You’re a girl.”

Me: “Why do you think she’s asleep on the toilet at 5.30 am?”

Boyfriend: “Well, I knocked and knocked, but the door has been shut for the last hour… and the backdoor was open!”

Me: “What? Just open the door. She’s not in there. There’s no one awake but you.”

Boyfriend: “What if there’s a homeless man locked in the bathroom!”

Me: “So you want me to go check on the homeless man in our bathroom?”

Boyfriend: “I refuse to poop my pants in front of a stranger for that!”

Me: “Just open the door. I’m refusing to get out of bed for that!”