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    Your Passport To Being Banned

    | USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I go into a bar I frequent. I had lost my wallet a few days earlier, but I know most of the bartenders, so I didn’t expect them to ask for identification. The woman working doesn’t recognize me, and asks for my ID. Also, I’m a 23-year-old white woman.)

    Me: “I think I actually have my passport in my car. Hold on.”

    (I go get it and show the bartender.)

    Bartender: *not amused* “This isn’t you.”

    Me: “No, it is…”

    (I get this almost every time I show my passport, because it is an old picture and it really doesn’t look that much like me.)

    Bartender: “Is this even real?”

    (Now, I’m offended.)

    Me: “It’s definitely me. I come here all the time and we went to [Community College] together!”

    Bartender: “No, we didn’t. And this is DEFINITELY not you.”

    Me: “It is! Look at the date it was issued. Look at my birth date. That picture was taken when I was 17. I’m 24 now, a little heavier, and my hair is longer and less pink, but it is DEFINITELY me!”

    Bartender: “This is you?”

    (She turns the passport to me and shows me the picture, one of an older man of Middle Eastern descent with a Saudi Arabian name and an impressive beard. A friend of mine had put his passport in my glove box months ago and then apparently forgot about it.)

    Me: “You’re right; that’s not me.”

    (Luckily, I had my actual passport, and was able to return my friend’s with an awesome story. With any luck at all, the bartender will fail to remember me again next time I go in.)