(Late at night, a customer comes to register with a tall bottle of whiskey and off-brand cola.)

Me: “Do you have your [customer] card?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got it right here on my cell phone. You see, I gotta have my phone on me at all times in case the boss calls, I got the keys to heavy machinery.”

Me: “Oh yeah?”

Customer: “You know how much fun it is to drive a bulldozer when you’re sober? IMAGINE THAT WHILE YOU’RE DRUNK!”