(A customer has ordered two beef subs.)

Me: “What veggies would you like on the first one?”

Customer: “Pickles, onions, tomatoes, and h*** penis.”

Me: “I’m sorry, pickles, onions, tomatoes, and what now?”

Customer: “H*** penis. And mustard.”

Me: “Okay. You said jalapenos, right?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Alright, then.”

(I put everything else on, then ask if I’ve missed anything.)

Customer: “The h*** penis.”

Me: “Jalapenos?”

Customer: “No.”

(I point at the jalapenos.)

Me: “These?”

Customer: “Yes! God! I only said it, like, three times!”