(It’s the end of the night and I’m standing at the front door to make sure no one takes their drinks out of the building, which is illegal in Nebraska. I stop one gentleman on his way out with a beer.)

Me: “Sorry, sir. You can’t step out with that.”

Customer: “I think I can.”

Me: “No, sir, you really can’t.”

Customer: “Oh yeah?”

(He pulls out his wallet and shows me a crude fabric badge sewn on to it.)

Customer: “You’d better let me go and give me my beer before you get your a** in trouble.”

Me: “So, you’re going to throw me in jail for keeping you from breaking the law?”

Customer: *belches loudly, vomits a bit on his shirt, and leaves empty handed*