(Note: Bear spray is basically just pepper spray that you use if you are attacked by a bear.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [outdoor supply store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, um…I bought some bear spray from you earlier today and now my skin is burning.”

Me: “Your skin is burning? Did the bear spray come into contact with your skin?”

Customer: “Of course! I sprayed it all over myself!”

Me: “Did you read the instructions?”

Customer: “No, I thought it was like bug spray.”

Me: “Sir, you’re not supposed to spray it on your skin. You’re supposed to spray it in the bear’s eyes. You should probably go take a shower.”

Customer: “So I can’t repel the bears by putting bear spray on my skin?”

Me: “No, sir…are you sure bear country is the right place for you?